Fighting to make myself eat

For the last few days I have wanted nothing to do with food.
Which is a problem...for more reasons than the obvious.
The most obvious is that peanut needs me to eat, but I have to take my meds with food. The Metformin and the Dexamethazone both are to be taken with food, and lets face it prenatals do not give pleasant results on an empty stomach.
So I've been forcing down a bowl of cereal ( a small one ) before I take my pills and making myself eat little bits here and there throughout the day...but I know it is FAR from what I should be eating.

I did however dodge the stomach bug! My niece, nephew, brother-in-law and father-in-law did not. My poor little niece was up in the middle of the night pukeing and my nephew decided that while we were over for dinner was a great time to up chuck twice...my brother-in-law and father-in-law got hit with it yesterday. Sis, bro and the kids had to drive back home (8hrs) with the boys sick...somehow they made it with out anyone getting sick!
I also missed the sinus infection I though I was getting!
I thank Vicks and a hot compress to the face for my sinus cavities draining before infection set in! It's all in my chest and I'm caughing, but it's not bad. I still feel rather crapy, which isn't helping in the I need to eat department.

I suspect that I've lost a few pounds over the last week...I put on my favorite jeans (the ones that for the last few weeks have only fit with the aid of a very stretchy rubber band) and I about lost them while grocery shopping today! I'm sure I looked rather classy tugging at my jeans while in a old hoodie and a messy pony!

I saw on Pinterest some sort of slushie made with bananas, strawberries and a 7up, so I thought I'd give it a try. I didn't have any strawberries so I used raspberries and the three bananas that were on their last day. All I have to say is I haven't wanted to puke it back up yet! and it's actually pretty good.

Hubs and I are planning a nice quiet evening in tomorrow, I think maybe pizza, movie and popcorn.
Hope your New Years is nice, safe and with loved ones!

9weeks1day

  I don't have much to say today, I'm feeling rather poopy thanks to this sinus crap that is trying it's hardest to turn into a sinus infection.

The Dr. told me I could ween off the steroid yesterday! and that I can stop the progesterone shots and suppositories as soon as I hit week 10...which ironically I have just the perfect amount of suppositories to make it till then. Weird.

 

No picture this week. Sorry. I'm totally not getting in front of a camera feeling like this...nothing looks different from last week anyways. 

 

How far along? 9 weeks 1 day

How big is baby?  A Green Olive..yum!

Total weight gain/loss: My grandparents scale states 202, which is 2lbs above IVF weight, but I'm thinking that most of that is Christmas food since I have been eating so much less due to morning sickness and this sinus cold.

Maternity clothes: I can still wear my shirts but my jeans are strictly on a rubber band only status...I ordered new maternity jeans last night. (I'm not showing yet, I'm just so bloated I can't fit in anything but yoga pants)

Have you started to show yet? No but I'm so bloated.

Sleep: good, I can make it till about 5am without peeing now! and I'm sleeping sound with only a few strange dreams.
Best moment this week: telling the in-laws on Christmas morning, and finding out my Sister in-law is due 2weeks before me!

Miss Anything? Coffee…still missing coffee but once I hit the 3 month mark I'm sooooo having a cup a day! And lunch meat/meat and cheese trays were hard to avoid this Christmas.

Movement: Nope, baby is still too small, but there was some wiggling yesterday in the sonogram!
Food cravings: bland food like toast and Cheerios...but I'm getting sick (sinus crap) so nothing tastes good at the moment either.

Anything making you queasy or sick?  ummm so my nephew took a bite of food at the end of dinner Wednesday night and gagged and puked it all back up...the sister in-law and I were sitting at the other end of the table...we both gagged and she had to run for some hard candy.

Gender prediction: I'm still on girl. Hubs is still on boy.
Labor Signs: Nope, but I have been getting the round ligament pains...which are a pain.

Symptoms: Morning sickness comes and goes and hits either in the early morning or late evening and is just nausea, my boobs are sore all the time now, headaches and ligament pains.

Major purchases this week? about $60 worth of cloths from Old Navy! Thank you gift cards! And I'm heading out to check the second hand stores now.

Weekly wisdom: take it easy on the Christmas cookies...

Looking forward to:my niece's birthday party on Saturday and getting rid of this sinus cold before it turns into a sinus infection! 

Bittersweet day

Today was my fair well appointment with the RE office. My mom went with me since AJ couldn't go...he did however ask that I record the sono...I think he was sad he couldn't go.
I'm so happy that everything is good and I get move on to the OBGYN, but man am I going to miss that office.
I made them a tray of snacks and got a thank you card. It was perfect, it said "I'm so greatful, for people like you" and it's so true.
The tech (the one who is always in durring my appointments) got choked up before the ultrasound even started...before I even took my pants off! And Dr. H gave me the biggest hug and of course I got all weepy...he did a bit too.

Mom and I then decided to check out some sales, since we don't have a Berlington in town we went there and then had lunch.
I had waffles...because I'm pregnant and I can.
Then we headed home and to Old Navy so I could spend my gift certificates and get some maternity jeans...I'm so bloated that none of my jeans fit anymore!
They didn't have any in my size so I ended up getting 3 new shirts, 2 maternity and one regular...but it's super cute and stretchy and only $5 so win win!

S my mom called me a few min ago and asked me to email her the video so my dad could see it, I had to send it in two parts but she emailed it it my brother and my aunt and uncle too.
My brother just texted me and said he's in love with our little peanut...and my Dr's voice. (If I get the video uploaded on here you will totally get it...his voice is awesome!)

But the best is that my mom texted and said that my uncle got teary eyed while they were watching the video. And now I'm crying again!
(A little back info- my mom was a single parent until she met my step-dad when I was 8. My aunt (her sister) and uncle are like second parents to me, I'm very very close to them. So it's like they are getting a new grandchild too.)

I also finally got chalkboard paint and chalk! It should all be ready for week 10. I'm skipping the week 9 photo...8 was so depressingly crappy, and I'm getting sick ...so no photo this week.

Twice as nice Christmas

We began our morning with my family and a yumtastic breakfast followed by presents!
We then headed over to AJ's parents to open gifts with his sister and the kids (her hubs and the in-laws too).
We planned to give them the baby announcement gift at the end of all the gifts...
But his sister gave his parents a bag of a bunch of gifts and one was a pack of pictures...which included sonogram pics of baby number 3! She informed us she was due mid July and that she was 10.5 weeks...
The whole time I'm sitting there trying to not jump up yelling "me too me too!"
Instead I just grabbed the wrapped frame (one that says cousins on the top and I put a little paper in the frame stating that the photo was to be taken in August when their cousin gets here) handed it to his sister and I just said "we have one more for Ethan and Ava but it's glass so you have to open it"

She just kept yelling "are you serious, no way!"
Then the two if us hugged and cried like two pregnant chicks should.
His parents got so excited, then they realized that next Christmas there will be 4 grand kids instead of 2! I think they were even more excited after that.

So all in all it went way better than I could have imagined.

Well I survived

The family cleared out about an hour and a half ago...and I'm sooo glad it's over! The poor dog is traumatized. I'm sure I would be all fetal and crying if it weren't for my mother...the woman cleaned my entire kitchen. I'm pretty sure if everyone left and my kitchen still needed cleaning I would have just stood there and cried.
I missed my afternoon nap today, because I was making food for the party, and I'm surprised I'm not passed out at the moment!

So I have to tell you what my cousin did...because I really want to be all bitchy and put it on the Facebook...but I don't want to be the drama starter. So she brings her 4 kids and doesn't bring any toys or anything for them to play with...to a persons house that doesn't have kids...so we don't have kids toys...it's not rocket science. All the sudden the kids come upstairs with toys in their hands. And she goes "I found some toys in your back room! I just went through your boxes."
She was in our basement bedroom, which we use for storage, digging through boxes! Who does that!?! I would never go into someone else's house and just did through their storage space. To top it all of they never really keep an eye on their kids...the oldest kept chasing our (little) dog arround and he almost got bit...by the dog I think may never bite anyone ever, she may lick you to death though. My other cousin (the other one's sister) came prepared with toys and books...and a newborn, a cuddly little newborn that I cuddled for a good long time. I may have sniffed her little head way more than I should have...but I don't care she smelled like that new baby smell that is so fantastic ;)

I hope you all have a great holiday with family and friends! Our whirlwind of functions started tonight and doesn't end until Wednesday. I also have my last RE appointment on Thursday, I'm kinda sad to see that come, excited to move on like a "regular" person and see a normal OBGYN, but I'm sure gonna miss that group.

8week bumpdate

I had to darken the whiteboard so you could read it...and you still couldn't read it. I'm going to get chalkboard paint today so 9 and up will be much better!

also that is not a baby bump...it's fat.

How far along? 8 weeks 1 day

How big is baby?  A raspberry

Total weight gain/loss: still don't know, still have a broken scale.

Maternity clothes: Almost. I'm betting within the next week or so.

Have you started to show yet? No but sucking it in is getting so much harder!

Sleep: Still only getting up once to pee and my back has been better since I started taking a bath now and then...but last night was killer.( my baby brother was out on a delivery route in the snow storm...I barely slept I was so worried)
Best moment this week: Not much happened this week...

Miss Anything? Coffee…still missing coffee. Eggs too, they sound so good, but last time I ate them I got all upset.

Movement: Nope, baby is still too small.
Food cravings: Chocolate milkshakes...and I have yet to get one :(

Anything making you queasy or sick?  just about everything, at one minuet it will sound or smell good and then, bam, nope it's the most gross thing ever.

Gender prediction: I'm still on girl. Hubs keeps calling baby Megaman...
Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: Morning sickness comes and goes and hits either in the early morning or late evening and is just nausea, but sometimes I thinks that's worse!

Major purchases this week? Still nothing, but mom and I went out to look for jeans this week. I plan on ordering some with Christmas money!

Weekly wisdom: Do things in little spurts, then sit and rest. I tend to get more done if I do.

Looking forward to: My family Christmas Party is tomorrow...AT OUR HOUSE...I think I'm insane for agreeing to that one! you see my mom is one of 7 (13 if you count hubs and wives) I'm one of 26 grand-kids (including mates) and we have 9.5 (including peanut) great-grand-kids, and 90% of them will be at my house tomorrow...wish me luck!

It's snowing!

Sooo I was going to post my first bumpdate...but our power keeps going out and flickering and I don't want to risk my computer getting all screwed up...so it's iPad to the rescue.
Because its a fricken blizzard outside at the moment!
Really, go to weather {dot}com...you see the  blue mass moving through the Midwest?!?
Ya that's me :o/
So I guess you guys will have to wait till tomorrow to see what my face actually looks like.
Hope you guys are warm tonight! I'm bundled up with the dog and some cocoa.

The hair on my chinny chin chin....

Can we talk for a moment about the hairy side effects of IF???
ok good.

So I have always had one or two chin hairs...who doesn't. But you tweeze those bad boys and move on with your day.
Until the infertility treatments start, and you are jammin mass amounts of hormones in your gut and wow low and behold...MORE CHIN HAIR!!! I swear that crap grows feet during the night! I have to tweeze every morning now!
And not just chin hair my friend, you now have a mustache! and maybe your bikini line is now a bit further down your leg...
The other night while siting at dinner (IN PUBLIC) AJ...who sometimes doesn't think before he talks...typical man...points out that my "sideburns" are starting to get a bit out of control.  Thanks for that one babe!
Now I'm not some blond goddess, I have med/dark brown hair...so this annoying side effect is so much more annoying due to the fact that the minuet a hair shows it's self the world can see it! It also doesn't help that I'm a whiter than white Irish girl. Meaning that when I do shave my legs you can still see little black dots where the hair is still under the skin!!!
All this makes me miss my waxing days.  When my arms, legs, armpits and face were smoother than a babies bum. (have you ever had your arms waxed? it's magical!) And to top it all off I own a wax pot...but can't use it. My face is so sensitive that the heat causes massive breakouts. I'm talking those nasty cystic acne buggers that are under your skin. It hurts so bad for weeks...it's not worth it. 

Now that I'm pregnant I have to just deal with it, tweeze and move on.  Can't use bleach and can't wax.  I've seriously considered trying to make my own sugaring solution and trying that...but at the moment I do good to make toast without puking my sock up.

Ok I'm done now
rant over

7 Weeks

Week 7 came in with full force last night.
I was up at 3 to pee
back up at 3:30ish (tmi) because of the acid like diarrhea that was threatening to kill me.
and then back up at 4am to hug the toilet and dry heave until around 5am.

AJ slept through it all...jerk ;)

Anyways, here is the weekly update, next week I plan on adding a photo or two. I think I'm going to try the chalk board with regular cloths and then do one in a black shirt so that we can really see the progression.

How far along? 7 weeks

How big is baby?  A blueberry (how freekin cute is that!)

Total weight gain/loss: probably down, I haven’t been able to eat that much in the past week.

Maternity clothes: Not yet, but I put on a pair of my favorite jeans and they were so snug! I’m blaming bloat, but I’m still getting myself some maternity jeans with Christmas money…those things cost so much I’m gonna get every dollar out of them I can!

Have you started to show yet? Not yet, but I have noticed my lower abdomen is growing a bit more, don’t know if it’s bloat or baby.

Sleep: my back is hurting quite a bit and I have been up a ton to pee.
Best moment this week: Seeing peanut! and how excited everyone in the RE office was. My nurse came running out to hug me and see the sono pics and Dr. H kept saying “that’s not you!” every time the heartbeat came on.

Miss Anything? Coffee…I realllly want a good cup of coffee…and decaf is just not the same.

Movement: Nope, baby is still too small.
Food cravings: apple juice is still a big leader. Mashed potatoes and pork gravy.

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Any reheated meat, Hubs had leftover steak and I about upchucked.

Gender prediction: girl…all we can come up and agree on are girl names…if it’s a boy he will be nameless.
Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: Week 7 came in with full force last night! I dry heaved from 4-5am last night!!!

Major purchases this week? Still nothing. But I am going out today to look for something to maybe paint with chalk paint for my bump photos. Don’t know if it counts as major since I’ll probably get it at the thrift store!

Weekly wisdom: even though the fried egg sandwich that your grandma is making you sounds like heaven on a plate, don’t eat it…it will not agree with the baby or the steroid and Metformin you are taking and you will pay later.

Looking forward to:  spending some time alone at home, now that the semester is over I can finally get to cleaning and organizing some things around here! And I don’t want to wait till I’m too big to clean out peanut’s room!

and then there...

was one!

We have one healthy little peanut!
All my worries were for nothing, baby looks "perfect" as Dr. H. put it.
Peanut has a strong and perfect connection to my ute, a strong and healthy sounding heartbeat...that yes, made me cry, and the yolk sack looks nice and round...which again he called perfect.
And best of all???
We got the go ahead to finally "celebrate"...
AJ is beyond excited about that!

Later Alligators, I'm off to shoot and edit (hopefully) the last video of my school life.

Ultrasound Today!

How can someone be so freekin excited and so scared for the same thing?

As an IF-er we are so use to our body failing at what is meant to do, that when it finally does it...you doubt and fear it.

I'm so excited to finally see a baby...or possibly babies...in there, and yet at the same time I'm so scared that the dildo cam will show no heartbeat, or a very week heart beat. That this all will be taken away from me. That I will have failed yet again at the one thing I want to do most.

This is another time that I'm wishing for normalcy...to be a normal girl who worries about normal things and not one who has to deal with all these shots and fears and defeat.

I'll try to post from my iPhone on the way home, if it doesn't work you may not hear from me till later tonight. (thank God today is the last day of the semester...I don't think I can take much more!)

More spotting

So today kinda sucked.
I woke up early because we had plans to finish up our Christmas shopping, and like every morning I headed to the bathroom before I jump in the shower....
Today I had to postpone the shower to call the dr's office due to the bright red on the TP in my hand.
I just sat there for a few...I just looked at it, and my heart sank. I wiped and wiped again and each time there was more red.
I called the office, and at this point I'm almost in tears, my nurse was in with a patient and the front desk gal...who is the bomb dot com...told me she was going to grab her the min she was done to call me back.
I texted my mom...because sometimes the first person you want to hear from is your mom.
I then went down and plopped on the couch, told hubs what what was up and waited for a call back...he proceeded to google and tried to calm my nerves.
It only took my nurse about 10 min to call back.
She seems to think that my suppositories are to blame. She thinks that me cervix just got super annoyed or bumped by a who ha cone and since it's basically just a bunch of capillary endings it decided it has had enough and blood happened.
She told me to drink more fluids and call if it got any worse.

I took my shower, got ready and we went shopping.
We parked as close as we could, got what we needed and went to lunch ( I ate cheesey carbey goodness) and then I headed in for 4+hrs of video editing fun! And oh I'm still not done! Have I ever told you guys how much I HATE editing video? Well I do.

Anyways, the spotting turned brown and has been alternating all afternoon between light and medium brown. I did have one clot, but it was brown and about the size of a marble and I googled some more and found what I already guessed...panic if it's a red one but brown isn't something to fret about so I didn't bother to all the on call nurse...I'll just tell them the down low on Monday.
I think I'll be all worried until Monday, and they moved our appointment too! From 8am to 11...which is no big deal other than the fact that I'm stressed about not getting my video done or having enough time to edit it before I have to hand it in....whatever...I'm just being overly panicky about the stupid video...I'll stop talking about it now.

We did have a nice dinner tonight, it's my momma's birthday so we all (parents, brother, grandparents, hubs and I ) went out for our favorite Chinese dinner. It was yummy. Now I'm vegged on the couch watching Despicable Me.

Still spotting lite brown :( but trying to be optimistic.


(and side note...I'm posting from my iPad! Let's hope this lasts, because not being able to use the iPad to post to blogger sucks!)

stupid iPad, update and 6weeks

I totally posted yesterday from my iPad...because I was crazy busy yesterday and had NO time for myself! Who knows where that post went...

I'm doing great, no spotting, no cramps!
Although I think the morning sickness has kicked in today...woooo buddy!

I fixed myself one of my staple breakfasts this morning and I only made it about 2/3 of the way through it...and I still feel pukey. yippy skippy!
Looks like I'll be drinking peppermint tea for the day.

I have decided to wait until 8 or 10 weeks to start the belly shots, and I'm still trying to think of something creative to do. I'm not a drawer or even that good with my handwriting so the chalk board is out. I think I may go in search of some inspiration...don't worry I'll post them here! and you guys can tell me which ones you like best....help me decide!

Now the weekly survey:

How far along? 6 weeks

How big is baby?  A sweet pea and is about .25 inches and will double in size again next week!

Total weight gain/loss: one whole pound! According to my grandmother’s scale.

Maternity clothes: Not yet

Have you started to show yet? Not yet, but I’m chubby so It may take a while.

Sleep: OK, I have switched to my body pillow instead of a regular pillow for my legs, it seems to help but I’m still getting some bad back pain. I really want a maternity pillow ;)
Best moment this week: I told a co-worker/good friend on Friday, and she was so excited that I would have a baby bump for graduation in May…got me looking forward to that.

Miss Anything? We had friends over for dinner Saturday night and the hubs got some Tequila Rose…man I love that stuff, it’s like grown up strawberry milk. I really wanted a shot of that.

Movement: Nope, baby is still too small.
Food cravings: Root beer and apple juice, sweet potatoes and peanut butter.

Anything making you queasy or sick?  My grandpa heated up some leftover stuffing yesterday, I thought I was going to puke instantly.

Gender prediction: girl
Labor Signs: Nope, but there was a spotting and cramping scare on Tuesday, but all is good now.
Symptoms: So Tired! and a bit foggy brained. Today I’m super nauseated.

Major purchases this week? None so far, but my private baby Pinterest board is quickly filling with things to buy!

Weekly wisdom: If you feel like you need a nap…TAKE ONE! Don’t be a hero and push through, it’ll only be bad later. Just take the nap.

Looking forward to:  seeing our little peanut on Monday!

light spotting *updated

I woke up this morning at 5:30 to pee, and who really turns on the light at that ungodly hour, so I didn't check the tp when I wiped.
I went back to bed and noticed I had cramps, like period cramps...now I've been having the "your ute is growing" cramps, if you can even call them that, for a week or so now but this morning was definite pms like cramps.
Today is my day off so I let myself sleep in and when I got up at 9:30 I was spotting light brown and the cramps were still there.
I got up and let the dog out, called my mom and then called the office.
My nurse was with patients so I got put into her voice mail, and I still haven't heard back from her.

I know spotting is normal, and part of me wants to brush it off on the fact that I have to stick a suppository up my hoo haa every night and that my have annoyed my cervix, but it's hard to ignore the cramps.

I'm 99% positive she will tell me to just take it easy for the next few days, no need to go all the way in when I'll be there first thing Monday morning.
I'll feel so much better Monday morning when I get to see the little peanut...I still only think there is one in there...although I'd be thrilled to find two.

I'm off to lay on the couch and crochet...witch is kinda killing me because I have so much to do around this house!


*just like I expected, the nurse said to take it easy for the next few days, drink more fluids, and call her or the nurse on call if my spotting gets any red tints or my cramps get worse.
The spotting has gone in and out all day, but hasn't gone away and the cramps are steady but haven't gotten and worse.
I hope it's gone by tomorrow, I've GOT to shoot video for my final project and video an interview...I'm seriously contemplating a lower grade and not doing the video...but that's totally not me, so I'll end up doing it anyways!

Let the weekly updates begin!

So I would have added a photo/non-bump pic too...buuuuuut I couldn't get my camera to work the auto timer! gugh! so frusterating!
Maybe I'll just wait till I have a baby bump and not a fat bump ;)

Now on with the questionnaire!

How far along? 5 weeks

How big is baby?  Appleseed or peppercorn

Total weight gain/loss: Who knows, my scale is still broken.

Maternity clothes: Not yet

Have you started to show yet? Not yet, but I’m chubby so It may take a while.

Sleep: Good, but I have to get up to pee at least once a night.
Best moment this week: Telling my grandpa and seeing his little Irish jig of happiness.
Miss Anything? I was sad I couldn’t have a grasshopper drink at Thanksgiving…I love those!

Movement: Nope, baby is still too small.
Food cravings: Root beer and apple juice…but not at the same time ;)

Anything making you queasy or sick?  Nothing yet, but I do get a tiny bit queasy after eating anything.

Gender prediction: girl
Labor Signs: Nope
Symptoms: So Tired! and a bit foggy brained.

Major purchases this week? Nothing yet for me or baby…but we did Christmas shop for the niece and nephew!

Weekly wisdom: Organic ginger candy…and peppermint tea. I follow every meal with one of them and it has saved me.

Looking forward to: the 10^th is our first ultrasound, I think I’ll feel so much more safe as soon as we see a heartbeat.

Best Idea Ever

So I know two posts in one day...but I had to tell you about my grandpa.

I went over to check on my gram, which she is doing fan-fricken-tastic, and see if they needed anything before I went into work/class.

You see it has been killing me not telling my grandpa that I'm finally pregnant. The man is my world. We are each others biggest fans.  Sooooooo while I was over there today my gram got a phone call and I decided I couldn't hold it in anymore...
I pulled my grandpa in the kitchen and asked him if he could keep a secret, then told him I was pregnant.
I'll be damned if my little 81yr old grandpa didn't do the cutest little Irish man jig of joy.
I'm not kidding you guys, it made my year to see him so happy. He got all teary eyed and hugged me so tight.
Best Idea Ever telling him!
(we are NOT telling my gram until we tell the rest of the world...because last IVF she called everyone she knows and told them I was pregnant...and I wasn't. The women can't keep anything a secret...or get anything right.)

still tired

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day. I'm still tired form it.
My grandmother had her defibrillator replaced, and at 80 a simple routine surgery somehow gets you more scared than it should. Thankfully it all went perfect. She is home now and I'm heading out to see her in a few....which really means that I'm off to take care of her and my grandfather.
She was scheduled for a 11:30 procedure but it somehow didn't happen until 2:30! yep 3hrs late.  My mom, uncle and I left as soon as the Dr talked to us...I was so tired and didn't want to drive the 40min home in the very dark.

On the baby front, my first Ultrasound is scheduled for the 10th! AJ took the day off and our appointment is bright and early at 8am.  That day is going to be one hell of a day for me :ultrasound witch WILL result in me balling like a baby, and I have two final projects due. Thankfully I don't have any finals this year, just projects. But let me tell you they are not easy projects! (thanks advanced classes). Thankfully I'll get pizza and popcorn in class that night, we watch our final video projects and the teacher (super awesome dude) always brings in pizza for the class. I think I'll make the popcorn almond bark stuff and bring it in too.

The nurse sent me my new calendar...witch is the same with the ultrasound added, and gave me my due date! 8-1-13, that puts me at 5 weeks tomorrow!
So we could have a July or August baby...I think it would just be the coolest to have the kid on 7-31 because that's the day AJ and I met each other. We count it as the day we got together, because we basically didn't spend a day apart until March....we were kinda smitten ;)

BETA #3

166.8!
No more blood tests!
My regular nurse is going to call me tomorrow to schedule my first pregnant appointment.

It feels more real now, although I don't think it will completely sink in as real until I see a baby in my belly on a screen.
I think it's the fact that as an infertile woman I have failed at doing what I feel God has put me on this planet to do...for three years. And now that it is finally happening it's hard to believe it at all. That I'm finally getting the chance to be the mother I have always wanted to be.

Betabase shows that I'm more in the single baby category, which I'm totally cool with! and at a low possibility for twins...which makes me sad( I kinda reallllly wanted two)   But lets be real here...I'LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET!

I think I'm going to start the bump photos on Wednesday...I'm trying to think of a creative way to do them. As a graphic designer I want to use my talents...but I'll probably end up doing something easy!

I'm now off to finish running a million errands then work and class.

Progesterone issues, tired and worried

So I ran out of PiO (progesterone in oil), no biggie. I called the pharmacy to have it refilled and sent next day...
Weeeelllll the delivery service didn't want to drive the 3hrs on the weekend to get it to me so they were going to use FedEx...which would charge me something around $45!
In a panic I called the nurse on call, and felt so bad I had to do so on Black Friday...she was out shopping. Man I felt bad.
But she's amazing and tracked down a Walgreens in town that had in on hand! She called it in and you would think that's all there was to that...you would be wrong.
The other pharmacy didn't cancel my order so Walgreens couldn't get my insurance to cover their order...
I didn't get the message until after 5pm so my usual pharmacy couldn't be contacted to cancel the order...
So my butt had to get up early on a SATURDAY to call the pharmacy, cancel the order and then call Walgreens and make sure they processed the order.
And all for just 10days of medicine!
This PiO is in sesame seed oil and man is it thick! It also itches like crazy!

I have been soooooo tired this weekend, like I'm dragging through the mud when I try to walk. Which I guess is a good sign, but it's really the only sign other than the fact I could eat a horse. I never seem to get full.
My boobs are still normal and everything else is still normal too...I'm just tired and hungry.

I'm just kinda worried about tomorrow's BETA.
With my second being only 14.8.  I'm just so worried that it is way too low, that this is chemical.
I haven't peed on any other sticks, and I'm kinda afraid to.

I've been kinda numb about the whole thing...and I think I will be until I hear larger numbers.

I have about a million things to do tomorrow so I'm going early to get my BETA.
Also my grandma is having her defibrillator replaced on Tuesday.  That means I get to drive and sit in waiting rooms and eat hospital food for the day....yippie!

On another non-related note, AJ got me an iPhone!!! Finally! I'm not the last person on the planet to get an iPhone....or phone with internet, my sad little old phone was such a pain in the hiney! It would just forget to give me messages and calls...all the time. I finally feel up with the times, I even got instagram....so hipster. (I refuse to get twitter, that will never happen...I'm not that hipster)

Holy $#!%

it worked

I'm pregnant

I'm PREGNANT

WOOO FREEKIN WOOOO!

ok now that that has passed... ;)

My first BETA failed at 2.9, but it was early, taken on day 11. (they sent me early due to the holiday)

My second BETA (today) is 14.8, low but pregnant!

I go again on Monday for another BETA.

HAPPY FREEKIN THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Today I'm thankful that (besides being pregnant) AJ was home when we got the call.

I'm off to make the dog's shirt now, I'm too pumped to see my parent's reactions tomorrow!

the hole in my elbow

I went for my first BETA yesterday...It's killing me not knowing until tomorrow.
But anyways...
I got she-Hulk.
This is the same chick that took one of my E2's last IVF and left me with a HUGE bruise that covered my entire inner elbow(is that what it's called...for some reason that sounds so strange...shouldn't it have it's own name? does it and I'm just being a dumb dumb?).

Well yesterday I actually spoke up about how rough she was. I told her she could be a bit more gentle.
I also made sure to look at the name on her name tag and when I go back tomorrow I'm totally going to be that person that says "Not Beth".
I just hope the cute little knitting grandma that was in line after me didn't get her...I'm sure that if she did that woman will have bled out and now has an actual hole in her arm.

I went shopping today...I know I'm crazy. It was a mad house. Thankfully I didn't need much.
But I did manage to not pick up any pee sticks. I don't know how. I was even at the dollar store! I think it's the first time I have ever been to the dollar store and not picked up a few of them...I mean they are a buck and let's face it...if us IF-es are good at one thing it's peeing on things!

I have one test under my sink, I've had it for about 2years now. It's one of the ept's that say pregnant or not pregnant. I'm keeping it for when I know I'm pregnant, like if tomorrow's BETA comes back positive I'll pee on that thing faster than my dog pees on the light post in front of our house...and man does she love to pee on that thing.
I just don't think I can handle something digital telling me I'm not pregnant. So I'll save it. Let's just hope I get to pee on it tomorrow.

Last round I got the call around 1pm and I had gone for the test around 8am...tomorrow I plan on being there at 6 when they open the lab.
I'm going to be home alone (well the dog will be here) all day, and thankfully I don't have to work tomorrow. Finding out at work last time was killer, especially since it was bad news.  This time I'm glad I get to cry alone...
good or bad.
And if it's good AJ will be the first to know. Which is the way it should be. I'm totally making the dog a shirt that says "only child - expires:August 2013"! So when he comes home form work she can run up to him in it. And then Thanksgiving morning when my parents and brother get here I'll put her back in it!
God I hope this works, I really want to make that shirt.

Either way I'll let you guys know tomorrow.

The fear and doubt is setting in

I blame the lack of symptoms

I feel so normal
Nothing is different

Boobs are not sore and haven't grown at all...last time they got bigger and hurt so bad.
I'm mildly crampy...like last time.
I'm not tired at all...in fact I cleaned the ENTIRE kitchen. and I'm not a bit tired.
I've had the nite sweats, but they are not as bad as last time.
I've had a mild headache, but I suspect allergies.
I have no cravings, last time I ate an entire jar of peanut butter.

All in all I'm scared to DEATH that this didn't work again.
I'm afraid I'll break down, like worse than upset. I'm afraid I won't know how to move on.
And it'll be the day before Thanksgiving, how am I going to hold it together in front of a big family group...where they allllllways ask why I'm not drinking.

AND
it doesn't help that I peed on a stick this morning and it was negative.

BETA#1 tomorrow
(I don't get results till BETA#2 on Wednesday)

Lord give me strength.

the one where I turn into a big cry baby

So my shot last night...
AJ had to go get me a tissue because the tears wouldn't stop.

You see I have this knot in my butt muscle on the right side. Hurts like hell. Two nights ago (when it was right-ey's turn again) I had AJ shoot my progesterone just under the lump...no big deal. Didn't hurt that bad.
So last night when it was back to the right side we tried for about 5 min to figure out how he was going to "pinch" the muscle to give the shot.  There was no way around it, the knot is covering the entire section of my bum that the shot is given in! It grew and formed a bruise!
AJ tried his best...he really did.
But OH MY GOD it hurt. I was shaking it hurt so bad. Tears all over my counter top.
I even tried the "stance" that Emily over at a blanket 2 keep suggested, and it totally works...just not on knotted up muscles :(

If only I could use a heating pad or heat of any kind...but no.
I'm on strict orders to stay far away from the amazing inventions that are heating pads.
My friend did suggest this stuff called Arnica Gel, it's all natural and it's for muscle pain and bruising. She uses it all the time, she has a bleeding disorder and is constantly getting transfusions that form fantastic bruising...so if it works for her I'm gonna give it a try. 

Oh another progesterone note, the bananas are totally working!
It seems that 2 a day keeps the leg crams away!!!
I haven't had one twinge or sign of a spasm.  And my boobs are not as sore as last time either, so maybe potassium is the key people!
Quick...run and get some!
And anyways, banana and peanut butter shakes are ah-may-zing!

I'm dealing with a sick man again today, AJ decided to stay home from work today. I'm kinda thankful for that, I don't know how he would have made it.  He's been hacking bad and sadly it's not very productive...it's one of those colds where everything is stuck in his chest and the cough isn't the kind (yet) to break it all up. Poor guy, I feel so bad. BUT I'm avoiding him like the plague, because I'll be damned if I'm gonna get it when I can't take any meds. Plus I want to keep the embabies as healthy in there as possible!
I was totally going to clean the bedroom today too...guess I can't do that!

2dp3dt...tmi warning!

I'm at day2 past the 3day transfer! I'm feeling flipping fantastic!
I have energy and I even Rena a ton of places this morning and I'm now baking some cookies!
After the transfer for IVF#1 I was super tired. I figured it was the progesterone, but now I wonder.

I added the fabulous progesterone suppositories last night!!! And wow buddie I now remember why I hated those f-ers!
Hot flashes that have me waking up in a puddle of wet sheets.
Sore boobs.
Heartburn that would put any dragon to shame.
Thirst...I'm so so soooo thirsty!
Vivid and sometimes terrifying dreams.
Headache.
What I will refer to as sludge bum...
Bad charley-horse calf spasms! (Why I have been eating 2 bananas a day)
And best of all!!! goopy vag!

Is nothing worse than slime imitating form your nether regions?!?!?
I think not.

To top all this of AJ is getting a cold...
And you know what that means?
He snores like a chainsaw....and he grew a vagina.
Oh how men turn into whiny little girls the min they get any ailment!
I even decided to be super wifey and stop to pick him up his favorite cheesecake last night, it was a hit of course, but sadly didn't cure the whine!
He has already bitched about being sick like 3 times on the Facebook...
I just think it's funny that I can have needles poked through my ute and into my ovaries and he asks on the way home if I want to go to the mall and maybe Sam's Club...what?!?!
No I want to go lay on the couch and be a bum!
Men...I tell ya!
It's a good thing we love them!

3

We transferred 3 today!
I know what you are thinking...3!?!?!

Let me explain
Two were nine cells and one was a 4 cell.
One of the nine cells was perfect, one was fragmented and the 4 cell got tossed in for good measure.

When the embryologist said 3 I about peed myself...because you know I had just chugged a ton of water...but then she explained that the chance for triplets was low, somewhere around 10% so we figured if its what they recommend then we will go with it.

I've been on the couch since about noon today, but my stupid iPad didn't want me to post to blogger...and I wasn't about to crawl up stairs. So I'm sorry it took me forever to post this update.

My Betas are set up for a week from Monday and Wednesday, and again they won't tell me a result until Wednesday...which makes me kinda insane!

I do have to work tomorrow, but thankfully not until 3...but the class that lasts until 9pm might just do me in.

As of now-Transfer on Sunday

So out of the 12 they got 8 were mature and 6 of those took to the fertilization!
They set us up for Sunday morning at 10, which means I pee at 9 and we hit the road while I chug a liter of water.  There is a chance they will call while we are driving and move us to Tuesday (day 5).

I just have this fear that they will move us back again to a day 6 and we will be in the same boat of AJ not being able to go due to the Wednesday hell that is his work.
But for now I'm just going to try to be positive and pray that things all go the way they should...

12

Retrieval went good, they got 12 out of me!

I'm feeling a bit out of it from the anesthesia so I'm going to go lay on the couch and watch some Netflix.

I'll post more, probably tomorrow, after they call and tell me the stats of my dozen!

Also I wanted to thank you guys for the prayers and wishes! You guys are the best!

Retrieval Tomorrow!

I have been trying to post from my iPad all day today...but for some reason it won't work. And to top that off my keyboard batteries died so I couldn't use my computer until they charged...needless to say it's been a long day. (and I'm not even telling you about my advanced web page class homework, ugh...that shit can kiss my bum!)

Anyways
I had the pleasure of getting a midnight needle as a snack!
Trigger at midnight last night (12am today actually...it's kinda confusing)
Transfer at 10:30 tomorrow morning! We have to be there at 9:45, which means leaving the house at 8:20ish. At least this time AJ won't be hungry and want pizza...and eat it in front of me...when I can't eat and am starving.
I can handle the not eating, but I'm a must have OJ first thing in the morning person. It's like my life force. I'm not kidding.

My arm is killing me form last night's shot, last time it didn't hurt at all. This time I feel like the Incredible Hulk punched me in the arm. Thankfully I did it in my left so I can kinda baby it. No one told the dog though...she's jumped on it a few times. She does it again I may kill her.

I'm excited to see how many good eggies we get and what size they are...the ultrasound tech didn't tell me sizes on Tuesday, just that they had grown some since Monday.

IVF#2 Here we go!

The Weekend, a Birthday, and a Monday

So the weekend was kinda sucky, all thanks to me feeling like a stuffed pig...but more on the eggies in a bit.
Friday night we had a movie night. I picked up take-n-bake pizza and we cuddled in bed to watch The Avengers...AJ fell asleep within 15min. I expected nothing less. At least I got to see the movie.
Saturday we did a little shopping, had hot dogs for lunch, and went to a friends house for a party...
The party made me want to punch multiple people...in the face...with a chair.
It was a "martini madness" party which means I get to drink water and watch all the bitchy chicks get waisted and act like they are still 21 and not 30!  And it lived up to its hype.
At one point the hostess drunkenly told me that if pregnancy wasn't soooo hard on her she would gladly have another kid and give it to me...!
This is the same chick that complained to me about trying to get pregnant for a whole 3 months for their second kid...we had been trying for about 15 months at that point...and I was sitting next to a gal who had a daughter with bladder ex trophy (born with her bladder exposed). I swear some people are just dumb.
Needless to say we left the party early.
I felt pretty miserable on Saturday, warn down and I was starting to feel my insides...how do I put this...giggle? So it was nice to get home and put my yoga pants back on.
Sunday was nice and relaxing.
I made myself a coffee and some pancakes. AJ did the dishes and vacuumed the house. I decided that I would do some birthday shopping and ended up getting myself two new pairs of corduroy pants at a second had shop for less than 20 bucks! Woot woot! I also scored a new yellow sweater that I'm totally in love with...so all in all win win!
We were planning on going out to dinner with my parents and brother, but it ended up being a party of 11! My aunt, uncle, cousin and his room mate came and so did my grandparents. It was fantastic, I love being with my family...I would choose family dinner over a friends dinner any day.

So that brings us to today
My ultrasound showed a 20 on my left and a few 14/15's and a 21 on the right and a few 13/14's.
I left with instructions to continue shots as usual tonight and come back for another E2 and ultrasound tomorrow morning!
Sadly my RE's wife is bad sick and he will be out of the office tomorrow, which means I have to go to a radiology place to get my ultrasound, but I still have to go to the office for my E2.  I have to be there at 8:30, which means leaving the house at 7:30...gee I hope they don't mind me in my jimjams and ponytail!
I'm expecting the same as last time, trigger Wednesday (early am) and retrieval on Thursday.  Which will actually work perfectly for my work schedule and AJ's.

I'm so ready for this, I think I'm finally letting myself see the hope in this round.

Good Morning November!

I'm kinda excited for November to be here...
and it even started off with a bang!

At just around 1am my cousin gave our family another girl!
Scarlet popped into the world (at home, in a pool) at just above 5lbs.

But back to me!!!
Sorry, for some reason I'm in a super duper good mood this morning...I really have no clue where it came form.
Today I feel like my insides belong in a much bigger person, I'm finding it hard to sit too far up and forget leaning over...slip on shoes? don't mind if I do!
My yoga pants are still my best friends and I have treated myself to either a cocoa or hot cider every night...with whip cream.

Last night was the first for Menopur, and HOLY CRAP...totally forgot how that stuff stings! I spent about 5min breathing in through my nose and out my mouth, because I thought I was gonna puke.
I did find a trick to the Menopur though...
Last time around I followed the directions to a T. Mixing the solution and then drawing up 1/2 to take my shot. Well for some reason the next night was never the correct amount. I swear I measured right, and when it was time to do it again I even made AJ watch to make sure I measured correct. And low and behold it was off for the second shot again.
SO
this time I decided that I'm just going to mix, draw it all into the syringe and just inject 1/2 and put in the fridge for the next night...I'll change the needle and inject the rest.
Totally works! and I'm not taking less than needed.  AJ insured me that I was still getting the amount of meds I needed to since it was all diluted, but I can't help but feel like I failed since I couldn't take it right.

My bruise is looking perdy fugly too.  Last time it was bigger, but this time it's all red instead of purple so it looks so much worse. But I think I'll just "medicate" with more warm drinks topped with whip cream!  I think Starbucks might supply today's! Because it's true, Every once in a while you just need the cup with the green straw!

you know you are out of it when...

you write a whole post and just forget to post it...

yep I did that.

I blame the Follistim.
It has turned me into a zombie...yesterday was bad. You would have thought that I was stoned or something. I spent most of the morning staring at nothing at all and finally around 2ish I was coming back to earth.
I edited some photos and watched some Netflix...and I totally wrote a post about how I was feeling...and forgot to post it.
Anyways, I'm feeling a million times better today!
Like I have energy and some focus today, which is great because I was kinda worried about driving to work if I was in the mental state I was in yesterday.

I think the fact that I'm feeling better today was because my mom came out to my house before work, to get ready and just sit and have breakfast with me. It was so nice to have someone other than the dog to talk to this morning!  I made myself pancakes...because...pancakes, and washed it all down with a pumpkin spice late...with whip cream. mmmmmmm    Every morning should begin like that.

kinda afraid of the Follistim

Tonight I start the Follistim shots...and when I think of the sheer amount that I get to shove in my gut I almost break out in a cold sweat.
450units Monday and Tuesday
That's half the vile.
300units Wednesday and beyond
That's still a ton.

I just remember how crappy I felt during the first round and I'm not looking forward to feeling worse this time.
I just remember feeling like my insides were on elastic lines after 1,500 units and the nurse telling me that my ovaries were the size of grapefruits...that feeling should hit around Thursday and I'll still have another 5days to go. 

I expressed to AJ last night that I was really nervous about this round and that it was because I didn't want to have to go through another failure. He didn't have much to say, just that he tends to go into these things without getting too hopeful...knowing that it may fail. I told him it is harder for me, being the woman that I am and being super emotional. He said he understands, and that he loves me no matter what.  In all fairness, I should have not chosen bedtime to discuss this with him...he's so tired by then, I don't think he was even fully away while we were talking because he started snoring shortly after.  But I can't help but feel like he isn't all there when it comes to emotionally connecting with me on this whole infertility battle.

But then again I'm all emotional and a girl.

holding myself back

I keep holding myself back from being excited about this round.
This time last round I was all about looking at baby room decorations, making lists of names, planning ways to tell people.
This time around I find myself keeping myself from any of it...as if I know the let down, and I'm keeping myself at arms length so I won't be hurt as bad if this one doesn't work.
But let's be honest, there is no way it will hurt any less.

So why don't I just let myself go?
because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I knew that IVF was different from IUI...
I knew that it's more technical, and more advanced, but I didn't expect it to have a more emotional strength to it.

When the IUI's failed I was sad. I cried, but I didn't break down. I moved on within a day.
With IVF it's so much more real, and I don't know how to explain that. It's almost as if I can't move on.
I have this feeling that this round is dragging. Like I have been on Lupron forever and I'm never going to get to the Follistim and Menopur, yet they start on Monday.
I know that the 5th will get here before I know it (day of my first U/S...also day after my birthday...11days from now...HOLY SHIT I turn 31 in 10days!) and then they will be asking me to trigger, then the retrieval and then the transfer...
I'm just having a hard time making this round feel real.
Again I think it's the fear of being hurt so bad by another failed cycle.

It's been easier to distract myself this round, though.
With IVF#1 all the prep/shots were in the summer...no school.
This time around I'm in full swing of classes...and midterms.
In fact I'm covering two classes and three labs on Monday...that means giving two midterm tests and taking another myself (but it's online and woo hoo for using the internet!). Hey it's extra money and I'm sure I'll end up with on Hell of a reference from all this extra I'm doing for my boss so it's worth it.
But school has given me such a distraction, and I can't help but be kinda thankful.
I know that if this round works all those planning thoughts will pop right in. 

I'm just kinda sad that the excitement is lost on this round.
Last time all the shots seemed like magic shots...magic baby shots.
This time I'm struggling to care if I take them on time.
Last time, 6am on the dot, every morning....
This time I'm lucky if two days in a row are the same time!
But in my defense, I was told I have an hour window with my morning shots and I have been in that window...I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our chances to finally be pregnant. (plus HELLO we are spending enough on this)   

I guess this big ol ramble is just me wishing I could connect with this round...but then again if it doesn't work again I'll be glad I didn't connect...I guess.

no pants and killer heartburn

It has hit that point in the IVF cycle where the bruise form the shots hurt too much to wear real pants...so enter the yoga pants!
Thank God I thought enough to go out and get new black ones to replace the holy ones I love and adore.
And since the mid-west decided that today it will be in the upwards of 80 degrees (hello it's October!), I'm sporting the black capri pants and a tshirt.
I have one pair of jeans that are a bit to big, and if I wear my yoga shorts under then instead of a belt I can somewhat handle it.

What I can't handle however is the killer heartburn.
I'm not kidding folks, it's bad.
I'm downing tums like they are candy and I'm pretty sure that I drank about 3gallons of ice water yesterday, which resulted in many trips to the bathroom.

I go tomorrow for my first E2, and I'm trying out a new outpatient lab to do it...let's hope this time they don't poke all the way through like last time!
Then after that I'm going for an open interview for a company that provides home care and companionship for those stuck in their homes due to illness or disability. I'm hoping to pick up a few hrs on Tuesdays and Thursdays so wish me luck!

I'm also almost done with my latest crochet project, I'll post pictures soon.

Now sadly I need to get ready for work...I have way too much to do tonight while I'm there...stupid and tedious work.  Ugh!

The oddness of IVF round 2 and thank God that wedding is over.

This second round of IVF is effecting me in totally different ways, and it's odd.

This is day 1 without the BCP and day 6 on Lupron, 5units instead of 10 this morning...
and my ankles are killing me.
It's like I twisted them both and they won't heal, yet I haven't.
It started last week with every time I went up the stairs, it felt like I was hyper-extending my ankles, and yesterday I felt as if my hips were worked too hard...

I have a feeling it's because I have been kinda stressed/busy.
My friend got married on Saturday and I, being the giver that I am, helped out.
Now when I say helped out I mean that I played wedding planner, hair dresser, makeup artist, videographer and photographer.
All because I don't know how to say no.
Numerous people told her that I should have been her maid of honor...and to be honest I'm kinda hurt I wasn't even a bridesmaid.
I went to tons of meeting with her to get her wedding planned and executed, and spent the entire rehearsal sitting because her ass of a new husband took over and didn't even let me do the one thing I was supposed to do! which was "run the show" and let everything and everyone move and run the way it was supposed to.
I got up early Saturday and helped decorate the reception hall, then spent 3hrs doing the brides hair and makeup...to which I then got stuck painting her toe nails, doing her sisters makeup, and her mom's hair.  I then put her in her dress and put in her veil...again I WAS NOT A BRIDESMAID.
 I rushed home and changed and the hubs and I rushed back, set up the video camera and I made sure that everyone walked down the isle when the should...ran back up to the balcony to take some pictures...because I have a zoom lens and the "photographer" didn't. I use "" because she had no clue what the hell she was doing. I've never shot a wedding but I sure as hell know when to pick up a camera to get a "don't miss shot".
I bustled up her dress and then the hubs and I rushed to the reception so we could light all the candles and put out mints and nuts...
You would think it ends there right???
nope!
Stitting at the reception there is this little kid, maybe 2ish, running around with no one watching him.
all the sudden he takes off out the back door and into the parking lot...so me being me I take off after him.
4times!
and you want to know where his mom was?
in her car
SMOKING (I'll let you guess what she was smoking)

so ya I've been stressed out.

From now on I'm going to say NO more.

So yesterday I did what I wanted.
I ate fattening pasta and breadsticks for lunch
and I made a double batch of chocolate chip cookies
I made the best comfort food dinner (beef and gravy over mashed potatoes...mmmmm)
then laid on the couch and watched tv all night long.

And I don't care if anyone cares...I'm wearing yoga pants to class tonight.
It's midterms after all, no one is expected to look sane during midterms.