kinda afraid of the Follistim

Tonight I start the Follistim shots...and when I think of the sheer amount that I get to shove in my gut I almost break out in a cold sweat.
450units Monday and Tuesday
That's half the vile.
300units Wednesday and beyond
That's still a ton.

I just remember how crappy I felt during the first round and I'm not looking forward to feeling worse this time.
I just remember feeling like my insides were on elastic lines after 1,500 units and the nurse telling me that my ovaries were the size of grapefruits...that feeling should hit around Thursday and I'll still have another 5days to go. 

I expressed to AJ last night that I was really nervous about this round and that it was because I didn't want to have to go through another failure. He didn't have much to say, just that he tends to go into these things without getting too hopeful...knowing that it may fail. I told him it is harder for me, being the woman that I am and being super emotional. He said he understands, and that he loves me no matter what.  In all fairness, I should have not chosen bedtime to discuss this with him...he's so tired by then, I don't think he was even fully away while we were talking because he started snoring shortly after.  But I can't help but feel like he isn't all there when it comes to emotionally connecting with me on this whole infertility battle.

But then again I'm all emotional and a girl.