excited and tarrified

Tomorrow I go for my second BETA
I'm both excited and terrified for the results.
Mostly terrified.

I have waited so long for this and I don't know if I can handle not getting a positive call.
It's why I didn't pee on a stick this morning, last night my "late night pee on a stick" turned out negative.
Now I know that doesn't mean anything and I can still be pregnant, but at this point I can't deal with another negative. Even if it means nothing.

I'm so afraid, so so afraid of a negative result. I almost wish it was already Saturday and it was already over...the happy or the sad.  I just want to know.

I also hate that I have to get the call at work, where AJ won't be with me.  I hate that I have to call him to tell him the results.
Can't life just be perfect?
Oh isn't that just the ultimate IF question?!?

OK I'm back to non-whiny me. Sorry for that. I had a moment.

I have (for about a year now) had the idea to tell my parents by giving them a framed sheet with all the ways to say "grandma" or "grandpa", like in different languages and random nick names.  I wanted to make my brother a sign that states "Being and uncle is even better than being a superhero".
IF has taken that away from me, because I chose to include the people I love the most in this process.  I don't regret this at all, but it's sad that I won't get the surprise element of the announcement.  But still I wouldn't give up the support and prayers for anything.

I think I'm mostly scared because I have had crams (small but still there) and a horrid headache for the last two days.
Now I can't restrain from the google...and I found numerous instances where people still were pregnant and had pms symptoms and had a negative pee stick the day of their second BETA.
I'm trying so so hard to be positive and hopeful
But a girl with cramps and just one pee test might get the 8pm weakness again tonight.