I just couldn't help but testing this morning. Just one day early. BFN
I keep trying to tell myself it's still early, and that we could still get a positive this cycle...
but I'm so full of doubt.
Chuck it up to 2.5 years of trying and failing I guess.
I've been so on edge these last few weeks. I find myself holding in tears all the time.
I've also had the strangest symptoms, constant cramping and sometimes shooting pains in my ovaries. At first I just figured I was ovulating, but now I wonder why it has kept up for 2 weeks.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Kat and the horrible, no good weekend.
I never read those books as a kid, but the title can easily be applied to my weekend.
AJ was in a fraternity in college and this year it turns 100...woot. So they had a big formal dinner shindig think up in the big city.
I dug out my spanks, my one nice dress and the heals I NEVER wear and away we went on the 3hr car ride to the city. It was a nice ride, Peeta and Katniss kept me company. (I'm re-reading while I wait for the cash-flow to allow me to see it on the big screen)
So we get up there and it's FREEZING.
we were not prepared for temps that low, but we still made the few block trek to AJ's favorite German restaurant. TOTALLY totally worth it, best food I have had in my belly in a long time.
We went back and took a "nap"...and I only use quotes because AJ napped...I on the other hand can't nap unless I'm bad sick.
I feel the need to fill you in on the room....one word...Lions.
The suckers were EVERYWHERE. carpet. pens. paper....the usual...oh no there's more. The wallpaper was covered and the curtains matched the wallpaper, down to the texture design of the wallpaper! and it doesn't stop there! they were on the sheets and the soap and the towels and best of all was the shower curtain! part of me was thinking these 5,692,774,928 lions were going to spring free of their fabric holds and eat me in the night.
anyways back to the weekend.
We get ready and walk to a bar a few blocks over (me freezing because I forgot a sweater/jacket) to have a few drinks with some of AJ's college friends.
In the group I'm one of three women. One just birthed her second child, and continues to talk the entire hour we are there about it. The other, within 2min of arriving announces she is pregnant.
All I keep thinking is how I can't cry in front of these people who have maybe met me once or twice before.
When we finally got back to the hotel for dinner I mad sure to distance myself from them, sitting at the other end of the table.
The diner wasn't that bad, my salmon was actually really really good. Although the desert made me want to jab myself with my fork. 2hrs of speeches, boring speeches. On top of that they serve German chocolate cake...my favorite...but covered in the usual frosting...I'm allergic to coconut.
After we were let free AJ and I went over to congratulate his friend on a recent engagement...big mistake.
Seems people we paying attention to the fact that I wasn't drinking.
Everyone thinks I'm pregnant and keeps asking me.
Stupid Metformin!!!
I spent the remaining 2hrs cornered by the above fiance, I have meet her once before, she was wasted and kept talking about how I just need to relax and how maybe I have just been trying too hard.
I tried to explain, firs nice and then after about an hour and half I finally started getting defensive. Finally I had to tell her I needed to go to the room to take something for my headache. The headache was not a lie.
I found AJ and we finally went up to the room about midnight.
Finally sleep!
hahhahaha
The room next door decides that 1am is the perfect time for a house/dance party.
I quickly became the old lady who calls the front desk and has security sent to their room.
Even after that set back I couldn't get to sleep until somewhere around 2am.
The next morning we got up and went to lunch...where I finally got the chocolate cake I deserved. It was delicious.
Getting home never felt so good.
Oh just so you know Math won the battle...I dropped the class today. I'm kinda relieved, even though it means that if I want to graduate with a degree instead of a certificate I will need to take another math class. Oh well hopefully by then I'll have a baby and I can use their cute little toes to help me count if I need it.
AJ was in a fraternity in college and this year it turns 100...woot. So they had a big formal dinner shindig think up in the big city.
I dug out my spanks, my one nice dress and the heals I NEVER wear and away we went on the 3hr car ride to the city. It was a nice ride, Peeta and Katniss kept me company. (I'm re-reading while I wait for the cash-flow to allow me to see it on the big screen)
So we get up there and it's FREEZING.
we were not prepared for temps that low, but we still made the few block trek to AJ's favorite German restaurant. TOTALLY totally worth it, best food I have had in my belly in a long time.
We went back and took a "nap"...and I only use quotes because AJ napped...I on the other hand can't nap unless I'm bad sick.
I feel the need to fill you in on the room....one word...Lions.
The suckers were EVERYWHERE. carpet. pens. paper....the usual...oh no there's more. The wallpaper was covered and the curtains matched the wallpaper, down to the texture design of the wallpaper! and it doesn't stop there! they were on the sheets and the soap and the towels and best of all was the shower curtain! part of me was thinking these 5,692,774,928 lions were going to spring free of their fabric holds and eat me in the night.
anyways back to the weekend.
We get ready and walk to a bar a few blocks over (me freezing because I forgot a sweater/jacket) to have a few drinks with some of AJ's college friends.
In the group I'm one of three women. One just birthed her second child, and continues to talk the entire hour we are there about it. The other, within 2min of arriving announces she is pregnant.
All I keep thinking is how I can't cry in front of these people who have maybe met me once or twice before.
When we finally got back to the hotel for dinner I mad sure to distance myself from them, sitting at the other end of the table.
The diner wasn't that bad, my salmon was actually really really good. Although the desert made me want to jab myself with my fork. 2hrs of speeches, boring speeches. On top of that they serve German chocolate cake...my favorite...but covered in the usual frosting...I'm allergic to coconut.
After we were let free AJ and I went over to congratulate his friend on a recent engagement...big mistake.
Seems people we paying attention to the fact that I wasn't drinking.
Everyone thinks I'm pregnant and keeps asking me.
Stupid Metformin!!!
I spent the remaining 2hrs cornered by the above fiance, I have meet her once before, she was wasted and kept talking about how I just need to relax and how maybe I have just been trying too hard.
I tried to explain, firs nice and then after about an hour and half I finally started getting defensive. Finally I had to tell her I needed to go to the room to take something for my headache. The headache was not a lie.
I found AJ and we finally went up to the room about midnight.
Finally sleep!
hahhahaha
The room next door decides that 1am is the perfect time for a house/dance party.
I quickly became the old lady who calls the front desk and has security sent to their room.
Even after that set back I couldn't get to sleep until somewhere around 2am.
The next morning we got up and went to lunch...where I finally got the chocolate cake I deserved. It was delicious.
Getting home never felt so good.
Oh just so you know Math won the battle...I dropped the class today. I'm kinda relieved, even though it means that if I want to graduate with a degree instead of a certificate I will need to take another math class. Oh well hopefully by then I'll have a baby and I can use their cute little toes to help me count if I need it.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
even math wants to rub infertility in my face
just thought I would share my current math question with you...this online class will be the death of me one way or another!
I'll tell you, MATH, what my probability of having a child is and you let me pass this class...do we have a deal math??? 0...that's my probability so far math...
It also happens to be the number of lost passports I have found. (number of lost passports-1... mine)
in conclusion: FML today can go to HELL.
edited to add: out of 14 questions, 50% of them were about people having kids....if this shit didn't need to be done today, I would totally say F-it.
To the right are the outcomes that are possible when a couple has three children. Refer to that list and find the probability of each event.
I'll tell you, MATH, what my probability of having a child is and you let me pass this class...do we have a deal math??? 0...that's my probability so far math...
It also happens to be the number of lost passports I have found. (number of lost passports-1... mine)
in conclusion: FML today can go to HELL.
edited to add: out of 14 questions, 50% of them were about people having kids....if this shit didn't need to be done today, I would totally say F-it.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Big Big Big Day
If you are not a Hunger Games fangirl reader like I am then the title means nothing to you.
It's opening day you know...but sadly for me I don't get to see it tonight. I'm broke as a joke and really don't want to battle the "youngsters" to watch it tonight. AJ has a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I have NO desire to go so I might have a movie date with myself.
Now on to the topic at hand.
IUI #1 was this morning.
AJ had a real hard time giving his donation...he didn't even let me in the room. I felt so bad for him. He came out to the waiting room and looked like he was about to cry, he almost ran to the car. As a women we are so use to hopping up on a table, putting feet in stirrups and putting our naked bum out there for the Dr, nurses and techs to see, guys don't want to walk out of a small room with a cup and have everyone there know what they were up to. I imagine it has to be very emasculating.
Although he had a rough time with it surprisingly the number of good swimmers was tremendous, they all gave him a thumbs up and told him that with his donation he could populate the state of Illinois. I think that made him feel better.
My part wasn't that bad at all...normal annoying feeling of having your hooie stretched to the size of the Grand Canyon... the IUI tube they used did hurt. That wasn't surprising though....remember my HSG? that was the test from HELL.
The best part about our RE is that he believes that the husband gets the wife pregnant, not the dr. so AJ got to push the plunger on the syringe and (like it should be) send his swimmers in to do their work.
I was instructed to take a HPT two weeks from yesterday and if it's a BFN take another one in 2days.
I'm having a hard time not being excited about maybe telling my mom she's finally going to be a grandma as an Easter gift. We are having Easter at our new house this year...I would love to do something creative to let them all know. It's going to be a small group. Just my parents and brother, aunt and uncle(like second parents, I'm suuuper close to my aunt) and my cousin along with my grandparents (mom's side). They all know the details of our IF journey and are major pray-ers. I don't know if I could have made it this far with out them.
anyways I'm getting off topic!
Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend!
It's opening day you know...but sadly for me I don't get to see it tonight. I'm broke as a joke and really don't want to battle the "youngsters" to watch it tonight. AJ has a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I have NO desire to go so I might have a movie date with myself.
Now on to the topic at hand.
IUI #1 was this morning.
AJ had a real hard time giving his donation...he didn't even let me in the room. I felt so bad for him. He came out to the waiting room and looked like he was about to cry, he almost ran to the car. As a women we are so use to hopping up on a table, putting feet in stirrups and putting our naked bum out there for the Dr, nurses and techs to see, guys don't want to walk out of a small room with a cup and have everyone there know what they were up to. I imagine it has to be very emasculating.
Although he had a rough time with it surprisingly the number of good swimmers was tremendous, they all gave him a thumbs up and told him that with his donation he could populate the state of Illinois. I think that made him feel better.
My part wasn't that bad at all...normal annoying feeling of having your hooie stretched to the size of the Grand Canyon... the IUI tube they used did hurt. That wasn't surprising though....remember my HSG? that was the test from HELL.
The best part about our RE is that he believes that the husband gets the wife pregnant, not the dr. so AJ got to push the plunger on the syringe and (like it should be) send his swimmers in to do their work.
I was instructed to take a HPT two weeks from yesterday and if it's a BFN take another one in 2days.
I'm having a hard time not being excited about maybe telling my mom she's finally going to be a grandma as an Easter gift. We are having Easter at our new house this year...I would love to do something creative to let them all know. It's going to be a small group. Just my parents and brother, aunt and uncle(like second parents, I'm suuuper close to my aunt) and my cousin along with my grandparents (mom's side). They all know the details of our IF journey and are major pray-ers. I don't know if I could have made it this far with out them.
anyways I'm getting off topic!
Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
IUI#1 - the days of Follistim
Like I said last post, Follistim stole my brain. I can't remember anything. I also feel like I'm in a fog, slower than everything around me...like moving through pudding.
Here's the breakdown:
shot's taken at 9pm, 50ml a day
CD3- didn't think to take it out of the fridge and let it warm up...spent the evening with a tingly pain in my lower tummy thanks to cold meds. AF was on mega flow...totally sucked!
CD4- felt ok all day, a bit tired, but not bad. Another bad AF day.
CD5- St. Patty's Day/Family Pi party!!! ate my weight in pie...don't regret it at all...it was YUMMY! Had a headache all day, but it was manageable. AF was almost gone by then, like she just went "ok enough, I'm out". SUPER tired after my shot. 11pm hit and I was begging to go to sleep. Now this is NOT me, usually AJ is the one who wants to go to sleep and I'm calling him an old man.
CD6- We ran a million places on Sunday, I was so freekin tired and had a bad headache.
CD7- First day back to classes from spring break, that 9:30 class was hard to get to. I was verrrrry forgetful, had to take an hr trip back home for my usb for class... had a bad headache and was very tired all day.
CD8- Ultrasound #2, two good follies, one 12 and one 14. Was instructed to do two more nights of Follistim and then trigger this morning. Felt ok all day...may have been due to the 2 coffees. Also got my new Mac!!! (new love of my life/baby)
CD9- Yesterday was bad, had a project due so I had to go to school, bad headache, stomach ache, nausea and I had the jitters really bad. I made myself eat a cheese burger just to take Metformin at lunch and forced some rice down to take it again at dinner. Last Follistim shot for the cycle, went to bed early...slept like a baby.
CD10- Today I'm a bit better than yesterday, still feel like poo. Took trigger this morning at 9:30.
CD11- IUI#1
I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up...
realllly hard, but I keep finding myself looking at cute maternity cloths and baby stuff.
Here's the breakdown:
shot's taken at 9pm, 50ml a day
CD3- didn't think to take it out of the fridge and let it warm up...spent the evening with a tingly pain in my lower tummy thanks to cold meds. AF was on mega flow...totally sucked!
CD4- felt ok all day, a bit tired, but not bad. Another bad AF day.
CD5- St. Patty's Day/Family Pi party!!! ate my weight in pie...don't regret it at all...it was YUMMY! Had a headache all day, but it was manageable. AF was almost gone by then, like she just went "ok enough, I'm out". SUPER tired after my shot. 11pm hit and I was begging to go to sleep. Now this is NOT me, usually AJ is the one who wants to go to sleep and I'm calling him an old man.
CD6- We ran a million places on Sunday, I was so freekin tired and had a bad headache.
CD7- First day back to classes from spring break, that 9:30 class was hard to get to. I was verrrrry forgetful, had to take an hr trip back home for my usb for class... had a bad headache and was very tired all day.
CD8- Ultrasound #2, two good follies, one 12 and one 14. Was instructed to do two more nights of Follistim and then trigger this morning. Felt ok all day...may have been due to the 2 coffees. Also got my new Mac!!! (new love of my life/baby)
CD9- Yesterday was bad, had a project due so I had to go to school, bad headache, stomach ache, nausea and I had the jitters really bad. I made myself eat a cheese burger just to take Metformin at lunch and forced some rice down to take it again at dinner. Last Follistim shot for the cycle, went to bed early...slept like a baby.
CD10- Today I'm a bit better than yesterday, still feel like poo. Took trigger this morning at 9:30.
CD11- IUI#1
I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up...
realllly hard, but I keep finding myself looking at cute maternity cloths and baby stuff.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
whaaaa?
I think the Follistim is eating away my brain!
I have checked weather(dot)com about 5 times in the last hour...and I couldn't tell you what the temp is going to be tomorrow if my life depended on it.
I'm also so worn out I could die...oh drama I know, but I'm sleepy. Spring break is over and I head back to classes tomorrow. I think I'll be taking the elevators.
I have checked weather(dot)com about 5 times in the last hour...and I couldn't tell you what the temp is going to be tomorrow if my life depended on it.
I'm also so worn out I could die...oh drama I know, but I'm sleepy. Spring break is over and I head back to classes tomorrow. I think I'll be taking the elevators.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
CD3 IUI#1
Had a date with the wonderful dildo cam yesterday...I have to say that if I thought that thing was bad on a normal day having it jammed up the hooie on CD2 was pure joy! And to top it off how happy am I that CD2 happens to be the heaviest day of my cycle???
Want to know what made the day even better?!? (I know you are wondering) My MOM. Now I love my mom, and normally she is the best person to have a day with...but an hr in the car of her bitching about my brother, dad, grandma, and just about everything else makes me want to rip my ears off.
Ok I'm done with the rant.
My Folistim (and Ovidrel) are getting delivered sometime today, 50mg for the next 5days. I'mkinda totally freaking out about giving it to myself. In reality I'll have no problem whatsoever. AJ on the other hand has more than once stated that he, in no way, will be dealing with needles...thanks sweetie.
I go back to the RE next Tuesday for a follow up date with the dildo cam, he will tell me when to take the trigger and we will schedule the appointment for the IUI. I'm hopping and praying it ends up being the next Tuesday, it's CD15 and it just so happens to be the ONLY free day I have that week. There's a slight chance I could make Monday work, but Wednesday is impossible. Maybe I'm worrying for no reason...
I'm wondering if I can tell them I want to trigger on the 27...I guess we will see.
I have spent most of this morning goggle-ing success rates and side effects of the meds.
It's crazy...I'm excited and scared at the same time.
Want to know what made the day even better?!? (I know you are wondering) My MOM. Now I love my mom, and normally she is the best person to have a day with...but an hr in the car of her bitching about my brother, dad, grandma, and just about everything else makes me want to rip my ears off.
Ok I'm done with the rant.
My Folistim (and Ovidrel) are getting delivered sometime today, 50mg for the next 5days. I'm
I go back to the RE next Tuesday for a follow up date with the dildo cam, he will tell me when to take the trigger and we will schedule the appointment for the IUI. I'm hopping and praying it ends up being the next Tuesday, it's CD15 and it just so happens to be the ONLY free day I have that week. There's a slight chance I could make Monday work, but Wednesday is impossible. Maybe I'm worrying for no reason...
I'm wondering if I can tell them I want to trigger on the 27...I guess we will see.
I have spent most of this morning goggle-ing success rates and side effects of the meds.
It's crazy...I'm excited and scared at the same time.
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