Anyone want my Easter gift???

Went in this afternoon for my baseline ultrasound only to hear "take the month off"

Seems I have more than just leftover ham.

A 15cm leftover on my left side. Wonder if that's what's causing the pain in my left hip???
Dr said it happens about 30% of the time.
Figures.

So now we are having a forced month off. To top that off if things don't fall just right we will have to take May off too.  We booked a vacation mid May, knowing that we may have to just take that month off...but by then we might have needed a break.
The good part is I don't have to make the hr trip next month for a baseline, just call on CD1 and they will order more meds for me.

I just feel like I'm in tar...stuck and unable to move forward.

On a side note I had a FANTASTIC Easter.  Ended up hosting a brunch yesterday for 14 people and loved every minuet of it.

Somehow I just knew.

Somewhere deep down I knew this first IUI wouldn't work.
I woke up at 5:30 with killer cramps and Aunt Flow was there to say good morning with full gusto.
I called my mom and then my RE. I'm going in for my baseline Monday afternoon (I can't skip my morning class).
I can't bring myself to tell AJ.
He called yesterday on his lunch just to see what the pee stick said...he sounded so disappointed when I told him it was negative. He even asked if I was joking, telling him it was negative just to tell him it was positive when he gets home. I don't know if I can handle his face when I tell him we have to go through another IUI.
People weren't kidding when they said this IUI shit is emotional. I couldn't help but get all misty eyed on the drive to work this morning...to Drive by Incubus! Then again just moments ago reading another blog post. (I love Nat the Fat Rat, she posted yesterday about her struggles)
The strange part was that I didn't cry this morning when I started. I just went back to bed.
I did however dream about me crying...and I mean crying. Balling and inconsolable. When my alarm went off and I got up for the day hit snooze I had a tear rolling down my face. 
Why can't the good dreams come true? Not the ones about nothing but crying and pain.

I feel I need a girls day, filled with painting toes, eating chocolate cake and chick flicks...but I only want it with people who understand...other infertility fighters. The ones who say "I know how you feel" and really do.
I think I may just get a chocolate cake for myself anyways.

Big Big Big Day

If you are not a Hunger Games fangirl reader like I am then the title means nothing to you.
It's opening day you know...but sadly for me I don't get to see it tonight. I'm broke as a joke and really don't want to battle the "youngsters" to watch it tonight. AJ has a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I have NO desire to go so I might have a movie date with myself.

Now on to the topic at hand.
IUI #1 was this morning.
AJ had a real hard time giving his donation...he didn't even let me in the room. I felt so bad for him. He came out to the waiting room and looked like he was about to cry, he almost ran to the car.  As a women we are so use to hopping up on a table, putting feet in stirrups and putting our naked bum out there for the Dr, nurses and techs to see, guys don't want to walk out of a small room with a cup and have everyone there know what they were up to. I imagine it has to be very emasculating.
Although he had a rough time with it surprisingly the number of good swimmers was tremendous, they all gave him a thumbs up and told him that with his donation he could populate the state of Illinois. I think that made him feel better.
My part wasn't that bad at all...normal annoying feeling of having your hooie stretched to the size of the Grand Canyon... the IUI tube they used did hurt. That wasn't surprising though....remember my HSG? that was the test from HELL.
The best part about our RE is that he believes that the husband gets the wife pregnant, not the dr. so AJ got to push the plunger on the syringe and (like it should be) send his swimmers in to do their work.
 I was instructed to take a HPT two weeks from yesterday and if it's a BFN take another one in 2days.

I'm having a hard time not being excited about maybe telling my mom she's finally going to be a grandma as an Easter gift. We are having Easter at our new house this year...I would love to do something creative to let them all know. It's going to be a small group. Just my parents and brother, aunt and uncle(like second parents, I'm suuuper close to my aunt) and my cousin along with my grandparents (mom's side). They all know the details of our IF journey and are major pray-ers. I don't know if I could have made it this far with out them.

anyways I'm getting off topic!

Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend! 

IUI#1 - the days of Follistim

Like I said last post, Follistim stole my brain. I can't remember anything. I also feel like I'm in a fog, slower than everything around me...like moving through pudding.

Here's the breakdown:
shot's taken at 9pm, 50ml a day
CD3- didn't think to take it out of the fridge and let it warm up...spent the evening with a tingly pain in my lower tummy thanks to cold meds. AF was on mega flow...totally sucked!
CD4- felt ok all day, a bit tired, but not bad. Another bad AF day.
CD5- St. Patty's Day/Family Pi party!!! ate my weight in pie...don't regret it at all...it was YUMMY! Had a headache all day, but it was manageable. AF was almost gone by then, like she just went "ok enough, I'm out". SUPER tired after my shot. 11pm hit and I was begging to go to sleep. Now this is NOT me, usually AJ is the one who wants to go to sleep and I'm calling him an old man.
CD6- We ran a million places on Sunday, I was so freekin tired and had a bad headache.
CD7- First day back to classes from spring break, that 9:30 class was hard to get to. I was verrrrry forgetful, had to take an hr trip back home for my usb for class... had a bad headache and was very tired all day.
CD8- Ultrasound #2, two good follies, one 12 and one 14. Was instructed to do two more nights of Follistim and then trigger this morning. Felt ok all day...may have been due to the 2 coffees. Also got my new Mac!!! (new love of my life/baby)
CD9- Yesterday was bad, had a project due so I had to go to school, bad headache, stomach ache, nausea and I had the jitters really bad. I made myself eat a cheese burger just to take Metformin at lunch and forced some rice down to take it again at dinner.  Last Follistim shot for the cycle, went to bed early...slept like a baby.
CD10- Today I'm a bit better than yesterday, still feel like poo.  Took trigger this morning at 9:30.

CD11- IUI#1

I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up...
realllly hard, but I keep finding myself looking at cute maternity cloths and baby stuff.

CD3 IUI#1

Had a date with the wonderful dildo cam yesterday...I have to say that if I thought that thing was bad on a normal day having it jammed up the hooie on CD2 was pure joy! And to top it off how happy am I that CD2 happens to be the heaviest day of my cycle???
Want to know what made the day even better?!? (I know you are wondering) My MOM. Now I love my mom, and normally she is the best person to have a day with...but an hr in the car of her bitching about my brother, dad, grandma, and just about everything else makes me want to rip my ears off.
Ok I'm done with the rant.

My Folistim (and Ovidrel) are getting delivered sometime today, 50mg for the next 5days. I'm kinda totally freaking out about giving it to myself. In reality I'll have no problem whatsoever. AJ on the other hand has more than once stated that he, in no way, will be dealing with needles...thanks sweetie.
I go back to the RE next Tuesday for a follow up date with the dildo cam, he will tell me when to take the trigger and we will schedule the appointment for the IUI. I'm hopping and praying it ends up being the next Tuesday, it's CD15 and it just so happens to be the ONLY free day I have that week. There's a slight chance I could make Monday work, but Wednesday is impossible. Maybe I'm worrying for no reason...
I'm wondering if I can tell them I want to trigger on the 27...I guess we will see.

I have spent most of this morning goggle-ing success rates and side effects of the meds.

It's crazy...I'm excited and scared at the same time.