hello again

I really thought I'd be back here on different terms...but I'm not.
At this moment in time it looks as though our little dude will be an only child...unless the grace of God decides to knock me up on it's own.
I was sort of slapped with this info at dinner tonight.
IN.PUBLIC.WHERE.I.CAN'T.CRY
As if he was telling me that he had pie for lunch, the hubs says "work stopped covering infertility insurance, they said they only get maybe 7 people a year using it so they decided to stop."
and I about burst into tears, because I know my husband...there is no way he will pay for any treatments out of pocket.
I just looked at him and calmly said "well I guess he'll be an only child." and I didn't say much the rest of the night...

Now I know that I have no right to complain, I have a beautiful and healthy little guy. I just feel like I'm being robbed of the one thing I'm meant to do, have babies! I want my son to have a brother or sister, I want him to know that bond because I cherish it so much myself. and if I'm aloud to be selfish, I wanted to be pregnant again...so so very bad.

In 4 months I planned on coming back here to begin again. To start the struggle all over again with pills and shots and blood work and hope. Instead I'm here now crying over the loss of the chance to struggle again.