Wordless Wednesday: not so wordless...aka baby bear

 

so AJ and I were out shopping for our nephew's birthday this past weekend.

While I was looking for cute little boy t-shirts, AJ comes over telling me that I need to come and see what he found.

Low and behold there stood my husband holding the smallest, cutest little brown snow suit...

with bear ears!

and little paws on the hands and feet!

I died.

died of cute.

the best part? (ya it gets better than the paws)

it was only $5!

since then AJ has been asking me when we are going to make a little baby bear.

He's so excited

I hope for his sake the Femara works this month.

Femara day four

I puked...
for the first time in like 6 years (I'm not kidding, it's been 6 years)

Totally sucks, but I'm so glad I didn't go to class tonight.

By the way...I completely blame AJ. I told him I couldn't handle the Mexican he mad me eat for dinner.

Wordless Wednesday: totally zoned out

Femara day two and three

Better.
Not as "zombie" as day one.
Still felt/feel like I couldn't focus on anything (which was fan-flipin-tastic while trying to give a presentation!)
I did however get cotton mouth like no one's business...I have downed so much water!

Night one was hard, I didn't sleep well. Which was surprising because I was sooo sooo tired.
Last night I slept like a rock! It was so nice.

My temps have been super low.
This morning I thought it was wrong...shouldn't 96.48 be something they get from a corps?!?!

I tell ya this week was quite possibly the worst week to take this crap...
Two tests and a presentation...and the week is only 1/2 over.

Femara day one

I've had 3 full caffeinated drinks today...and I don't ever have a full calf anything without becoming a bunny on a jackhammer. After all 3 drinks I felt like I had also downed a handful of sleeping pills. 
Tired...so so tired.
I probably shouldn't have drove.
I'm also so spaced out to the max. Like I'm sitting here but my mind is out on Jupiter or something.
And let's talk about the emotions, the ones that come out of nowhere?!?!
I watched a short clip from the movie Lion King today and balled...it wasn't a sad clip.
I had a headache all day, with what I would call intense flashes. Like a my noggin was going to pop off and roll around on the floor while red and yellow fire crackers spin from my eyes...ya it's graphic, but that's what it felt like. The worst one happened to shine it's ugly head during a 55 question test...it let me get all the way through the multiple choice and then showed it nasty self during the written.
By 8pm I figured I was in the clear, that the fatigue, emotions and headache were all I was going to get stuck with today....
And then on my drive home from class came the heartburn. The kind where you could breathe fire.

I'm so not looking forward to the next 4 days.
But if it gets me a baby or two...

and so it begins

I guess I'm really in this battle with infertility now, seeing as I get to down a little yellow pill (Femara) tomorrow morning (and for the next 4 days).
CD1 and AF showed with full force on Sat. and we took a trip to the pharmacy.
I then proceeded to tell the 5 little yellow pills that they would not under any circumstance were they going to put me through any of the side effects...all of which I already have. I just can't deal with more muscle pain, headaches, upset stomachs, the poops, hot flashes, increased appetite and weight gain (to name a few).
Up until now I kept telling myself that we could do this naturally...
Guess I was lying to myself.

And I'm kinda ok if we get stuck with twins (there's a high rate of multiples),it just means we don't have to go through this crap again.

An Irish Blessing for you.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

I am what you would call an Irish girl, though I'm not 100% Irish by blood, I am by heart.

I have a million freckles everywhere.

I have a DEEP love of potatoes. 

I may not be a fan of beer, but I won't turn down a Killian's Irish Red...ever.

If I could go anywhere in the world it would be Ireland...and good luck getting me to leave.

 

 I'm stuck in class all night tonight so have a green beer for me.

I would much rather be on this beach, with my camera and a Killian's

and a bowl of potato soup

with my grandpa

while he sings me the old Irish song my great grandma use to sing me.

That would be just about the best day in existence ever.

Sláinte

Wordless Wednesday: just a perdy picture I took.

(Please don't steal it without asking...I'm working on a watermark.)

feeling clueless.

This isn't about the movie, but I have to say I do love it.
This is about me feeling all sorts of un-knowledged.

I just feel clueless when it comes to this whole ball of infertility.
I feel like I know nothing.
I feel like I need to know why more than I do.

I mean I know how to chart, I should I've been doing it for a good year now. But checking my cervical position has been lost on me...I can never tell, so I gave up.
I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, it gave me the knowledge on charting and that's about it.

Everytime I read another blog I find something new I know nothing about...most of them have acronyms I've never seen before.

I'm going through this and I feel like a blind person walking in a museum.

How am I supposed to go out and find information if I don't know what I'm looking for?

I've expressed this to Dr. Girlfriend, and have gotten nowhere with it. (she's a great Dr., but she's not the best on giving out information.)
I like her as my Dr. so I don't want to change to another, but I need more knowledge of what's happening with my body.
A while ago (about 4 months) AF just changed, went from (what I would call normal) 4-5 days of bright red/med-heavy flow that began and ended with maybe a day of spotting to spotting for a day then a day or 2 of light red flow followed by 3-4 days of brown.
At my last annual, the nurse asked if everything was ok, and I told her about the AF change...her reply was "well maybe this is your new normal". Dr. Girlfriend said it shouldn't be a problem in my getting pregnant.

I just feel like "maybe this is your new normal" was a crap answer. I don't think someone's body makes a change like that and it's normal/ok. And Google has not been a big help.

I guess what I'm rambling on about is that I just feel like I should know way more than I do, it seems like everyone else does.

I love Pie.

To celebrate Pi day my family had a pie party yesterday.

This was just a fraction of the pies...I think we counted around 30 then more people showed up with more pie. It was FABULOUS. 

I made a chocolate turtle pudding pie.

I think I'm going to be full for days, I had waaaay tooo much pie.

But you really have to ask yourself, how much is too much when talking about pie?

The answer is never, never too much pie.

 Favorites of the day were: Ms. Lovit's Minced Meat, apple (can't beat a classic), cherry almond, and my cousin made one up that consisted of pie crust and corn pudding with pistachios crumbled on top...it was to die for.

 no I'm not in this picture, and no I didn't take it.

I may have, however, tried to leave with that little baby you see (top middle of picture, he's in blue stripes), but he's family so I really couldn't have gotten very far.

the diet starts today, wish me luck.

I have to be swimsuit ready by May.

Vegas/California here I come!

Wordless Wednesday: cold, verry cold. Our furnace is broken.

Happy Fat Tuesday

I spent 12+ years in Catholic schools (yes I had to wear a uniform...no I will not show you pictures), which means that I (to this day) have no clue what Fat Tuesday is for...
Now tomorrow I'll go and have a cross put on my forehead with ashes from the palms of last years Palm Sunday...but Fat Tuesday? The only thing I know about it is that (it's Tuesday and I'm fat) in New Orleans it's a big deal...and king cake is yummy.
We were just there last Nov. and all I can say is that I will never, never, NEVER visit again and definitely not during Mardi Gras. A regular weekend was bad enough!

Anyways, tomorrow starts Lent. The 40 days until Easter, in which Christians use for fasting and reflection. Also no meat on Fridays, which means bring on the fish! I love fish.

Now I haven't been the best church goer, but I'm still a Christian, so I will be donning the ashes and giving something up (fasting).

As a child we always gave up something like chocolate or soda, and as a child that was hard.
As an adult I want to challenge myself even more, something that in the long run will make me a better person.

I have until tomorrow morning to decide, but I have some ideas.

1. go to the gym 3days a week (there's a free gym at my school)
2. get up everyday at 6am...even on days off.
3. make amends with old friends.
4. STOP PROCRASTINATING! (I'm thinking a daily schedule would help with this!)
5. cut down to only one cup of coffee a day.
6. find a new church.

I think I'm going to do all 6. I know it's a lot, but I'm a big girl, I can do it.


It's a proven fact that you can break any bad habit in 40 days. So why not use lent to give up something that isn't so good for you!

Todays activities...

Today I plan on

1. Doing my homework for my online class....well maybe. Chances are I'll put it off until tomorrow.
2. Laying on my right side with my bum raised up on pillows for at least 2hrs (watch some shows on the DVR).
3. peeing in a cup/OPK
4. Some smexin promptly followed by shoving an Instead Cup up my whoha.
5. Make dinner/eat dinner/clean up dinner.
6. Go see Beastly with mom, dad, aunt and uncle!

Just thought you might want to know what I am up to today...Oh and it's snowing again. I'm seriously contemplating moving to somewhere warmer.