the last line

We entered into new territory today. 
We are now in the IVF process.

I cried the entire 35min drive home.
Mostly because of the IVF, but also because my grandfather was put in the hospital night before last.

The thing is...my grandfather is by far one of the most important people in my life. If he ever dies I will be inconsolable, and seeing him so helpless in a hospital bed then hearing that if IVF doesn't work our only other way to a child is adoption...
well I broke down.

Then I went and gave 6 tubes of blood.
My arm hurts.
So I ate a mug of rainbow sherbert.

Tomorrow I start on the BCP (birth control pill) and next week Thursday I have an appointment for a mock embryo transfer and a fluid ultrasound.

I have googled and googled and let me tell you...
I feel like I know nothing new.
And this is super hard for me, I'm always plan ahead gal. I make lists like no bodies business.
I'm the kind of person that needs a break down, and a map, and a calendar...with color coding and little sticky notes. Maybe some stickers...
you get the point

I feel so out of control. I can't control my body and I can't make my grandfather better.


on another note my Dr. said the word "mensies" today and it was all I could do not to burst out in a fit of giggles.

I hope everyone is having a better day than I am.

it was pms...I should have known.

I woke up this morning and without being fully awake grabbed my pee cup and headed into the bathroom....
the pee cup got thrown across the bathroom (empty, don't worry)

I called the Dr.'s office, talked to the nurse, scheduled a sit down with Dr. H (the RE) for Monday afternoon.

I want to cry
I need to cry
I can't cry...I just don't have it in me.

I'm frightened about IVF.
I want to spend the next 3 days researching as much as I can, but I don't know where to start.
I think I'll start with the books I have...
After I go get a cheese burger and stop at the store for ice cream.

damit! knock it off stupid body!

So I today is 2weeks from the trigger shot which = pee on a stick day #1.

Yesterday I was all crampy, woke up with zits galore (tiny ones which is nice since I usually have HUGE under the skin ones...fuckers hurt like hell!) and was willing to cry at the drop of a hat.
This morning wasn't much different, just add in a massive headache.
Yet still no sign of my least favorite aunt...so I peed on a stick.

Surprise surprise
BFN

Then later at around 8ish (yes later, on work days I wake at the ripe hr of 5) I noticed I was spotting a bit, reallllly little, but still spotting.
I have been super tired all day and haven't wanted to eat anything.
No cramps.

What the crap body?

Can't you just decide whether you want me to be excited about lack of pms or ya know just give me pms so that I may wallow in a bag of chocolate cupcakes....which I may or may not have made yesterday just in case.

I'm suppose to wait till Saturday to pee on another stick...
but we all know that means I'll still pee on one in the morning.
That is if the period doesn't show up first.

Lord give me strength.

more great grand children

Just found out today that my cousin (not the pregnant one) and her husband are adopting again!
The first was a son from Vietnam, then a surprising pregnancy gave us another little boy, and now they are getting two sisters (one 4 and one 5)!
I couldn't be happier for them, although that means more girls that I didn't give this family of mine...

One more week of the 2ww...I'm about to go insane...
I'm keeping busy with granny squares. Friends of our are expecting (after 3IUI"s and an IVF)! so I'm working on a little crib blanket to go with this amazingly cute natural bedding set.  --->
I'll post a pic when I'm done, but it's small squares of all those colors with a white border.



I also have been working on a feeling post...It's going to be long...so prepare yourself!

why thank you Sherlock

Here's to hoping yesterday's IUI worked.

and a little sexy from good old Benedict doesn't hurt either!

if I yell reallllly loud do you think you may be able to hear it states away?

my cousin (who is having her 3rd)
just announced on facebook she is having a girl....
 no let me say (before my yelling begins) that I am verrrrry happy she is having another.  She has lost 2, and has had struggles getting pregnant....

but selfish me wanted to have the first great granddaughter in the family!

there I said it....

now excuse me while I go and eat a tub of cookie dough ice cream.

sorry

I'm so sorry I  have been MIA lately...but then again I'm not
I was in sunny Mexico
getting burnt...because I'm whiter than white.

I started back on the junkie routine last night with 50mg of Follistim and I go in next Tuesday for a baseline.
I'm kinda numb about the whole thing.
I know it's only our second IUI but I'm having a hard time feeling it this time.
who knows


ps- supper sorry I haven't commented on your bloggs lately...I have so much catchup reading to do thanks to someone (our guess is housekeeping) that took my iPad...on the second day of vacation...I was only 2 chapters into my book.  Buttholes!