10 day you challenge:day 1

I found this and figure it would be fun. It also gives everyone a chance to get to know me.


So here goes
Day one: ten secrets.

1. I want to be a professional photographer, but I would totally settle for working for one as an editor.

2. I use to be a size 4 and I don't really care if I never am again, I just want my tummy to be smaller than my boobs.

3. I'm obsessed with late 90's & early 2000's teen movies...I have a weakness for the likes of Freddie Prince Jr. and Ryan Phillippe.

4. I would wear a tutu all the time if I wouldn't get made fun of.

5. I would have at least 5 more tattoos if AJ didn't have a say.

6. I would also have more colorful hair if AJ didn't have a say, I once had purple hair that smelled like grapes!

7. Not to toot my own horn, but I can sing REALLY well. I never perused it because I have the worst stage fright.

8. I wish I would have kept up with dancing, ballet and contemporary to be specific. 

9. I wish I had a sister, don't get me wrong I love my brother more than anything and he's my best friend, but I wish I had the bond that only sisters can share.

10. I constantly feel stupid and less than I should be.

That last one was a hard one to admit, maybe someday I'll explain...

Wordless Wednesday: acupuncture

 

I reallllllllly want to try it, but when I asked Dr. Girlfriend about it she just laughed. 

I'm next to positive that our insurance won't cover it unless she gives us a referral.

bummer

National Infertility Awareness week, bust a myth

It's National Infertility Awareness week...but you knew that.
It's my first, well kinda first. It's my first since I've had a blog and since I've been labeled as infertile.

So to kick off the week I'm busting a myth from resolve.org

Myth: A higher-power is telling you that you should not be a parent.


My mom has told me many times that it will happen for us when God wants it to happen.
My grandmother told that in order to get pregnant AJ and I needed to ask for forgiveness for every past partner we have had. (that was one awkward convo let me tell you!)
Now I believe in God, and I don't want this to turn into a religion battle, but that's just Bull!
AJ and I have been together for 7years and married almost 2. I'm pretty sure that if God didn't want us to have kids than he wouldn't have let us stay together for so long...being two people that are basically, for lack of better word, in love with kids.
Case in point, we spent a solid hour playing outside, in the crappy weather, with 3 little ones this afternoon. If I can't find AJ at a family function all I have to do is find the kids and he's there too.
We are financially ready, we are emotionally ready, in fact we are beyond ready.
There is nothing, besides infertility, standing in the way of us having children.

Want something other than my reasoning...
Then I ask you why a higher power will choose to take an unborn child away form anyone?
What kind of higher power would allow junkies to have all the babies while good people are left with years of pain and suffering with out children?

Again I say BULL!

I hate ignorant people!
I have never in my life told anyone that God/higher power is the reason for their suffering.
I would liken it to telling someone dying of cancer that God/higher power just didn't think they should live.
It's wrong.


ok crazy lady rambling over.


go to http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 and bust your own, it's kinda fun to get so pissed off about something!

Happy Zombie Jesus Day

It's OK I went to Catholic School for 12+ years...I'm going to Hell anyways.
Enjoy your Easter!

Femara round 2

It's hard to say if round two was better or not.
On one hand I didn't puke my socks up, but I did feel like I could at any moment.

I noticed that I was fighting a stronger emotional battle, and man was it rough waters...I wasn't sure my boat was going to stay afloat. I snapped at so many people. Most of them didn't know what I was going through so it was hard to apologize.
All I can keep thinking is "if this round doesn't work  they are going to want to up the dosage"...I don't know if I can handle that, emotionally or physically.  I'm so tired.

I also have a heaviness in my chest. I feel like I can't get a good inhale.
For a claustrophobic person...that's not good. I keep fighting off anxiety attacks. All the while trying to seem like I'm not.

All week I keep telling myself that if we don't get pregnant this cycle that it's ok, I'll be able to have fun in Vegas next month, it's what I told myself before we went to New Orleans in November...the sad part was that the whole time I was drinking on Bourbon St all I could think was that I would rather be pregnant...and  I'm not really a drinker.

Maybe it's just day 5 of Femara and I'm weepy....
but today was the first time I've wanted to cuss infertility out.
I want to scream and cry and punch.
I need a punching bag, with a duct tape label "infertility"

Wordless Wednesday: hell on wheels

 

Tonight I'm going to shoot video and take pictures of the local roller derby girls....

I know I'm totally going to want to join, and that could be bad...really bad.

Mom to the rescue!

I love my mom.
She is coming to my rescue on Friday by boiling all the eggs (for the 2dozen deviled eggs I have to make for AJ's family Easter dinner) and then she's going to come over and spend the afternoon helping me make them and putting things together for the craft show.
Sometimes she drives me coo coo, but then again sometimes she does things that totally redeems her annoying factor.

I'm almost done with the blog/website for the business...when I do I'll link you to it.  That way you can see what (besides school) has been keeping me from blogging like I want.