Friday, April 22, 2011

Femara round 2

It's hard to say if round two was better or not.
On one hand I didn't puke my socks up, but I did feel like I could at any moment.

I noticed that I was fighting a stronger emotional battle, and man was it rough waters...I wasn't sure my boat was going to stay afloat. I snapped at so many people. Most of them didn't know what I was going through so it was hard to apologize.
All I can keep thinking is "if this round doesn't work  they are going to want to up the dosage"...I don't know if I can handle that, emotionally or physically.  I'm so tired.

I also have a heaviness in my chest. I feel like I can't get a good inhale.
For a claustrophobic person...that's not good. I keep fighting off anxiety attacks. All the while trying to seem like I'm not.

All week I keep telling myself that if we don't get pregnant this cycle that it's ok, I'll be able to have fun in Vegas next month, it's what I told myself before we went to New Orleans in November...the sad part was that the whole time I was drinking on Bourbon St all I could think was that I would rather be pregnant...and  I'm not really a drinker.

Maybe it's just day 5 of Femara and I'm weepy....
but today was the first time I've wanted to cuss infertility out.
I want to scream and cry and punch.
I need a punching bag, with a duct tape label "infertility"

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