You like me...You realllly like me

I can't believe my little blog has won an award!
The fantastic Beckie over at Beckie's Infertility Journey decided I was worthy and a Versatile Blogger...I on the other hand just needed an outlet for all the crap and pain that goes along with infertility.
I want to thank Beckie, for the award and so much more. She was one of the first blogs I found and followed.

Here's how this award works.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Make sure you contact these bloggers to let them know about the award

So 7 things about me....
1. I love rain. Way more than sunshine. I always wanted to live in Seattle, because I wanted to live where the rain was not to mention the grunge.(man I miss the 90's)
2. I'm a crier. A good commercial, movie and even tv shows....last night it was Heavy.
3. Speaking of movies...I love love love movies. I will watch almost anything, just don't give me anything scary. I don't do scary.
4. I hate talking in front of a group, when I get assigned a speech in class I get a mini panic attack. When I give a speech my mouth dries up and I talk realllllllllllly fast.
5. I love to take pictures. I could probably turn it into a professional job, but don't want to loose the love I have for it by charging money.
6. I do however love yarn, and I'm on my way to turning that hobby into a profit. Anyone need a photo prop or baby gift?!?!?!
7. I hate cats. Doesn't help that I'm allergic...I'm a dog person. My pup is my first child. AJ even has a shirt that states "Dogs are the new kids".

Ok so now I'm supposed to give this to 15 bloggers....but the thing is most of the ones I follow already have the award.
So I'm giving it to all the ones I follow that don't have it already!

1. Tillie at a nuttier life
2. PCOS Chick at His & Hers Infertility (just like the matching towels) Go tell her congrats, they just go good news!
3. Cortney at Inconceivable!
4. Sass at Life of the Bees
5. Lori at Love, Life and Infertility
6. Em at The Chapman Nest
7. Marla at The Chronicles of Marla
8. Kelly at The Empty Nest
9. The Hudack Family

Hey I got 9 that's not bad for a new blogger! Now go check these fabulous girls out and give some love!

It's most likely not me...and I tipped that scale.

I had my annual appointment yesterday, and got back my progesterone results. Seems all is good in that area too.  She said that with the good results my overies should be working just fine, and that if AJ get's a good report form the Uro/IF specialist than we will move on to the HSG. 
That wasn't the info that had me in tears all the way home though.

It seems that I have let myself get above 200lbs. Granted it's only 3lbs over (and I'm ok with you guys knowing my poundage seeing as you don't really know me) but it was my breaking point. I came home and looked up the carb amounts in almost everything. Starting next week (because I already have the grocery for this week) I will be eating way less carbs.
I'm also going to start using the elliptical that lives in my basement, I think 3 days a week is a good number to start off with. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I don't have to be anywhere until 10 on those days...Tuesday and Thursday I have to be somewhere by 7:30 and who wants to get up at 5am just to work out. Plus I know me...I won't do it.
I'm setting myself a goal of 10lbs by the end of February, it's a healthy 2lbs a week and also not to outrageously high that I'll be let down.
I think it will be easier if I make small changes at first, bib-lettuce when I would use bread for sandwiches, eggs whites instead of oatmeal for breakfast and smoothies for the afternoon when I get the most hungry. Dinners are going to be the hardest, considering that AJ and I are verrrry picky eaters...and not about the same things.   Dinners kinda scare me...I know meat and potatoes. We have some form of that every night. Guess I'm going to spend the rest of this week looking up low carb dinners...when I'm not doing homework (which is what I have to do now).

Bussy week

This week I claim as Dr. office week...seeing as I will be in one 3 of the 5 days this week.
I got poked with a needle yesterday to check my progesterone,
I have my annual with Dr. Girlfriend on Wednesday (oh joy)
and we have an appointment with the urologist/fertility specialist Friday morning.

I also picked up the report from AJ's SA yesterday, so that we could take it to our appointment on Friday. To me it didn't look that bad. AJ's swimmers had really low numbers,  but that was the only thing that was under the range numbers. Everything else was just on the low end of the number range. And to top it off he confessed that he may not have waited the 48hrs...
I could have beat him when he told me that! Sometimes I think he doesn't care about important things, and it makes me nuts.

I just feel like this is an endless battle that I'm not sure we are going to win. 
I'm  so stressed out, with all this TTC and school and babysitting and not making much money.  I feel like no matter what I do I fail and the worst is I feel like I don't have any time!
There are so soooo many things I want to do and I always seem to get about half way through my todo list and then either it's midnight and I have to chase around a 1 1/2 yrold at 7:30 in the morning or I have class...and when Friday comes around I seem to have the energy to maybe lift my little finger!
The sad thing is I have an online class so my "free time" is used up by that, and I have a feeling that the 30 pictures we have due today is going to be something of a weekly occurrence.
I'm also stressed because only two of my classes have lists of all the things we are doing and when they are due. Which means that I (the list maker and planner to the extreme) can only plan for a week at a time. I don't think you understand the extreme to which I make lists...
I have a notebook that is just for listmaking,
I have them all over the house and have my verrrry own grease board to put todo's on!
I make list's of things to make sure I do in the morning, before I even make a daily list.
I can't do anything without a list.
I think it's because I for get so much.




wow this was one heck of a ramble!

Wordless Wednesday: if I looked like her I would be cleaning in that today too.

Wordless Wednesday: well almost wordless.

Classes start again on Monday.
I think someone needs to make me these as motivation to get a 4.0 again this semester.
Heck let's face it I'll take any kind of cupcakes....but if your asking I'll take apricot cupcakes with  lemon frosting. Thanks!

Fears and Emotions

I'm scared, and I feel like a failure.
We had the "one year of trying and failure" appointment today.  AJ (that's the husband by the way) was embarrassed that he had to sit there and listen to all the "girly" crap, as he put it...he also told me that the room smelled like "a hooha".
I feel like I was put on this planet to be a mother, I always have.  So when a year has passed and still no baby I sit here and have all these conflicting emotions.
But most of all I'm scared, well frightened actually, to get the results of the SA that was turned in today. For AJ and for what it might mean for this journey we are on. I love my husband and in no way want him to feel any less of a man.
Most of all I am very frightened for the HSG that Dr. Girlfriend wants me to do at the beginning of the next cycle. All I can hope is that we get pregnant and I don't have to do it....Don't know what an HSG is? Well let me tell you. It's painful...very. My ute is at the moment in pain just thinking about it.
(want to really know what it is? I'll let WebMD. tell you because I'm not good with all the medical mumbojumbo.)
On top of all this I have to go in for another blood test one week after a +OPK to check my Progesterone. AND she wants me to take Femara next cycle too.
I came home today feeling way overloaded.  Overloaded with emotions and fear. But I would rather know than not know, and be able to move on and hopefully closer to having a baby.

The First List of the New Year

I am a lister, yes that's a real word...well maybe it's not. It's true though, I have a list for everything. Maybe it's because I know I WILL forget if I don't make a list. They are everywhere around our house.
So I figured why not put one on the blog!



Without further a due I give you my list of New Years resolutions.

1. loose at least 30lbs (my ultimate goal is to be back to 130lbs, and that would take dropping 60lbs)
2. Organize the bedrooms. (we have 4!)
3. Eat better. This is a MUST. I eat horridly. (see #1)
4. Get better sleep.
5. Get all A's (again!!)
6. Have more "date" time with the husband.(like a real date, sicko! get your mind out of the gutter! hehe)
7. Read more, learn more.
8. Go to the chiropractor more, once a week is my goal. (I'm hoping this will help with my chronic pain.)
9. Really learn to loom knit. (I know the basics, I would love to know how to cable.)
10. Learn to cook more things (goes well with #3)
11. Start and maintain a workout schedule. (a MUST in achieving #1 and probably #4 and my chronic pain)
12. Find a part time job.
13. Get rid of my acne! PLEASE?!?!?!
14. Take more pictures.
15. Spend more time with friends.
16. Open an Etsy shop! (I'm almost there)
17. Make a little human, live the year! (it's the year of the Rabbit you know, so I figure that means we can make like Rabbits and make babies!)

This list ended being so much longer than I wanted it to be!
I think I'm going to frame it and hang it in my activities room, so I can see it everyday.