Sunday, January 30, 2011

Invasion of the Mommies...

We were invited over to a friends house last night.
We thought it was just going to be Dude and his new/old girlfriend.(they dated before and are now dating again)
We get there and there are not one but 3 other cars in the driveway.
AJ goes "oh I think that's C's car" (C being the one from the Christmas card baby announcement) and all I can think is ohhh here we go again.
Low and behold not only the new baby on the way family there, but another family. This other family has 3 kids...lets call them the fertile family.
Well the old/new girlfriend also has a kid...and it didn't take but an hour for her to ask me when we were going to have kids. I quietly and quickly explained that we have been working on it for a little over a year and that we were now going through all the testing process. And God love her she replied with "well I'll be praying hard for you".
I almost started crying, because someone who doesn't even know me had said something so nice and sweet. She offered to help us the only way she knew how, and then she looks at me and smiles and tells me she knows we will be amazing parents.  I wanted to hug her. I'm so glad she's back in our lives.
Now let's talk about little Mrs. Fertile. Sitting there with little #3 on her lap as #1&#2 run around with the other family's #1.
I felt like I was the ugly duck and black sheep all warped up in one.
I don't even want to talk about how tiny and cute these chicks are...even the pregnant one in her puffy vest was ittly bitty and cute. And there I sit 200+lbs and covered in zits...(thanks for the zits hormones!)

The kicker to the whole evening was when AJ jokingly asked the Dad in the fertile family if there were anymore babies in there (while pointing at his junk). Him and his wife laughed and then stated that they were going to keep at it until they get a girl (the 3 they have are boys). And here comes the good part...they start talking about how easy it was to get pregnant....
Then Mrs. Fertile goes "oh it took a long time to get pregnant with #2, it took us what honey? 3 months?"
Someone shoot me, or pinch me...I must be dreaming. Did she just say 3 months in reference to a long period of time?
Excuse me while I run and smack her, take her baby and run away yelling "mine mine mine"

At least I did get some gratification.
The pregnant chick kept talking about how she was badly craving a martini and some sushi...I gladly told everyone about the amazing martini I had at diner that tasted just like I bit into a juicy pear, and how I had a sushi date for Monday...
Sometimes it the little things in life that make me happy...

On the drive home AJ (almost in tears) told me how one of the little ones came up to him when we got there and just looked up and smiled. All that he could think was how awesome it would be to have that be our kid looking at him like that.
That conversation about killed me. But at the same time I felt relieved because now AJ has a gimps of what I feel every time we are around people with kids.

Wow this was wordy! I swear I'm going to start rewarding people when the read all the shit I type!
Since I typed a book today I'll wait to tell you guys the whole HSG fiasco.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Howdy New Friends!

Who would have thunk that a little green square could have given me a handful of new friends?

I want to welcome you all to my little bliggidy blog.  I really don't deserve it, but am so thankful to get to know all of you!
I'm working on the About Me page (among other things such as a nifty banner and background) so that anyone who stops by knows what they are getting their-selves into..just kidding...well maybe not.

I wish I could give all of you a big hug and feed you some home made cookin then wrap you up in a cozy blanket.

So welcome to my little infertile internet space,
you follow me and I'll follow you.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Wordless Wednesday: cravings

The P.M.S. is calling for it...I may just give in tonight.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

You like me...You realllly like me

I can't believe my little blog has won an award!
The fantastic Beckie over at Beckie's Infertility Journey decided I was worthy and a Versatile Blogger...I on the other hand just needed an outlet for all the crap and pain that goes along with infertility.
I want to thank Beckie, for the award and so much more. She was one of the first blogs I found and followed.

Here's how this award works.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Make sure you contact these bloggers to let them know about the award

So 7 things about me....
1. I love rain. Way more than sunshine. I always wanted to live in Seattle, because I wanted to live where the rain was not to mention the grunge.(man I miss the 90's)
2. I'm a crier. A good commercial, movie and even tv shows....last night it was Heavy.
3. Speaking of movies...I love love love movies. I will watch almost anything, just don't give me anything scary. I don't do scary.
4. I hate talking in front of a group, when I get assigned a speech in class I get a mini panic attack. When I give a speech my mouth dries up and I talk realllllllllllly fast.
5. I love to take pictures. I could probably turn it into a professional job, but don't want to loose the love I have for it by charging money.
6. I do however love yarn, and I'm on my way to turning that hobby into a profit. Anyone need a photo prop or baby gift?!?!?!
7. I hate cats. Doesn't help that I'm allergic...I'm a dog person. My pup is my first child. AJ even has a shirt that states "Dogs are the new kids".

Ok so now I'm supposed to give this to 15 bloggers....but the thing is most of the ones I follow already have the award.
So I'm giving it to all the ones I follow that don't have it already!

1. Tillie at a nuttier life
2. PCOS Chick at His & Hers Infertility (just like the matching towels) Go tell her congrats, they just go good news!
3. Cortney at Inconceivable!
4. Sass at Life of the Bees
5. Lori at Love, Life and Infertility
6. Em at The Chapman Nest
7. Marla at The Chronicles of Marla
8. Kelly at The Empty Nest
9. The Hudack Family

Hey I got 9 that's not bad for a new blogger! Now go check these fabulous girls out and give some love!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's most likely not me...and I tipped that scale.

I had my annual appointment yesterday, and got back my progesterone results. Seems all is good in that area too.  She said that with the good results my overies should be working just fine, and that if AJ get's a good report form the Uro/IF specialist than we will move on to the HSG. 
That wasn't the info that had me in tears all the way home though.
It seems that I have let myself get above 200lbs. Granted it's only 3lbs over (and I'm ok with you guys knowing my poundage seeing as you don't really know me) but it was my breaking point. I came home and looked up the carb amounts in almost everything. Starting next week (because I already have the grocery for this week) I will be eating way less carbs.
I'm also going to start using the elliptical that lives in my basement, I think 3 days a week is a good number to start off with. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I don't have to be anywhere until 10 on those days...Tuesday and Thursday I have to be somewhere by 7:30 and who wants to get up at 5am just to work out. Plus I know me...I won't do it.
I'm setting myself a goal of 10lbs by the end of February, it's a healthy 2lbs a week and also not to outrageously high that I'll be let down.
I think it will be easier if I make small changes at first, bib-lettuce when I would use bread for sandwiches, eggs whites instead of oatmeal for breakfast and smoothies for the afternoon when I get the most hungry. Dinners are going to be the hardest, considering that AJ and I are verrrry picky eaters...and not about the same things.   Dinners kinda scare me...I know meat and potatoes. We have some form of that every night. Guess I'm going to spend the rest of this week looking up low carb dinners...when I'm not doing homework (which is what I have to do now).

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Bussy week

This week I claim as Dr. office week...seeing as I will be in one 3 of the 5 days this week.
I got poked with a needle yesterday to check my progesterone,
I have my annual with Dr. Girlfriend on Wednesday (oh joy)
and we have an appointment with the urologist/fertility specialist Friday morning.

I also picked up the report from AJ's SA yesterday, so that we could take it to our appointment on Friday. To me it didn't look that bad. AJ's swimmers had really low numbers,  but that was the only thing that was under the range numbers. Everything else was just on the low end of the number range. And to top it off he confessed that he may not have waited the 48hrs...
I could have beat him when he told me that! Sometimes I think he doesn't care about important things, and it makes me nuts.

I just feel like this is an endless battle that I'm not sure we are going to win. 
I'm  so stressed out, with all this TTC and school and babysitting and not making much money.  I feel like no matter what I do I fail and the worst is I feel like I don't have any time!
There are so soooo many things I want to do and I always seem to get about half way through my todo list and then either it's midnight and I have to chase around a 1 1/2 yrold at 7:30 in the morning or I have class...and when Friday comes around I seem to have the energy to maybe lift my little finger!
The sad thing is I have an online class so my "free time" is used up by that, and I have a feeling that the 30 pictures we have due today is going to be something of a weekly occurrence.
I'm also stressed because only two of my classes have lists of all the things we are doing and when they are due. Which means that I (the list maker and planner to the extreme) can only plan for a week at a time. I don't think you understand the extreme to which I make lists...
I have a notebook that is just for listmaking,
I have them all over the house and have my verrrry own grease board to put todo's on!
I make list's of things to make sure I do in the morning, before I even make a daily list.
I can't do anything without a list.
I think it's because I for get so much.

wow this was one heck of a ramble!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wordless Wednesday: well almost wordless.

Classes start again on Monday.
I think someone needs to make me these as motivation to get a 4.0 again this semester.
Heck let's face it I'll take any kind of cupcakes....but if your asking I'll take apricot cupcakes with  lemon frosting. Thanks!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Fears and Emotions

I'm scared, and I feel like a failure.
We had the "one year of trying and failure" appointment today.  AJ (that's the husband by the way) was embarrassed that he had to sit there and listen to all the "girly" crap, as he put it...he also told me that the room smelled like "a hooha".
I feel like I was put on this planet to be a mother, I always have.  So when a year has passed and still no baby I sit here and have all these conflicting emotions.
But most of all I'm scared, well frightened actually, to get the results of the SA that was turned in today. For AJ and for what it might mean for this journey we are on. I love my husband and in no way want him to feel any less of a man.
Most of all I am very frightened for the HSG that Dr. Girlfriend wants me to do at the beginning of the next cycle. All I can hope is that we get pregnant and I don't have to do it....Don't know what an HSG is? Well let me tell you. It's painful...very. My ute is at the moment in pain just thinking about it.
(want to really know what it is? I'll let WebMD. tell you because I'm not good with all the medical mumbojumbo.)
On top of all this I have to go in for another blood test one week after a +OPK to check my Progesterone. AND she wants me to take Femara next cycle too.
I came home today feeling way overloaded.  Overloaded with emotions and fear. But I would rather know than not know, and be able to move on and hopefully closer to having a baby.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The First List of the New Year

I am a lister, yes that's a real word...well maybe it's not. It's true though, I have a list for everything. Maybe it's because I know I WILL forget if I don't make a list. They are everywhere around our house.
So I figured why not put one on the blog!

Without further a due I give you my list of New Years resolutions.

  1. loose at least 30lbs (my ultimate goal is to be back to 130lbs, and that would take dropping 60lbs)
  2. Organize the bedrooms. (we have 4!)
  3. Eat better. This is a MUST. I eat horridly. (see #1)
  4. Get better sleep.
  5. Get all A's (again!!)
  6. Have more "date" time with the husband.(like a real date, sicko! get your mind out of the gutter! hehe)
  7. Read more, learn more.
  8. Go to the chiropractor more, once a week is my goal. (I'm hoping this will help with my chronic pain.)
  9. Really learn to loom knit. (I know the basics, I would love to know how to cable.)
  10. Learn to cook more things (goes well with #3)
  11. Start and maintain a workout schedule. (a MUST in achieving #1 and probably #4 and my chronic pain)
  12. Find a part time job.
  13. Get rid of my acne! PLEASE?!?!?!
  14. Take more pictures.
  15. Spend more time with friends.
  16. Open an Etsy shop! (I'm almost there)
  17. Make a little human, live the year! (it's the year of the Rabbit you know, so I figure that means we can make like Rabbits and make babies!)

This list ended being so much longer than I wanted it to be!
I think I'm going to frame it and hang it in my activities room, so I can see it everyday.